The Earth's Rebirth Part 2

4 Comments

  • TheAngelOfDeath
  • Posted a new poem first time is a few years check it out its a draft as of right now ill fix the spelling and stuff when I have time

Poem Commentary

This Poem was constructed by A very close friend and poet and myself
I very much enjoyed righting this poem with him and i am looking forward to righting more with him in the future.

The Earth's Rebirth Part 2

The Earth's Rebirth Part 2
(Death Becomes You)

If you follow the path of a monster that's what you'll become
The wrong side of a one-sided battle, your soul is all but gone!
I walk the path of glory, Death will ride my sin!
You think you have the answer! This is how I live!

But confused you are on your path to death
Your heart beat sharpens, a sudden shortness of breath
Spots flash in your eyes like a swarm of flying insects
Having visions of a tunnel fire, your soul searching, whats next

I plow down the hate in front
I loathe the hate behind
I cannot see one step ahead my eyes are nearly blind
My soul is torn apart by the matrix that is called my fear!
I cannot help my tattered fate! This is how I live!

How you or I live which in reality is how we both die
Validates the predetermined horror, feeding the monsters high
Like there is no tomorrow! Surging forward with revenge and malice minds
Run blindly in darkness with HUNGER, so surprising to find ?

But as the pain grows stronger
My fragile heart grows still
Beat...Beat......Beat............Beat........................Beat_________
In the end I chose my wretched path..
..This is how I Lived..

As the warmth of your body slowly starts to dissipate
Your life is a flashing slide show, swallowing your fate
Chills of rigor mortis creep closer as your functions reduce to goo
You found what you were born for: Death becomes you

AngelOfDeath & FiloRozzell
2009 (All Rights Reserved)

Poem Comments

(4)

Please login or register

You must be logged in or register a new account in order to
leave comments/feedback and rate this poem.

Login or Register

AbysmalGoddess commented on The Earth's Rebirth Part 2

06-14-2009

Brilliant work! Phenomenal imagery in this as well. Your words creep alongside of the meaning of death...'chills of rigor mortis creep closer as your functions reduce to goo' nice line.

RHPeat commented on The Earth's Rebirth Part 2

06-12-2009

The dichotomy in the first part of the poem works well and plays off of each other well. The ending and turning are a whole lot weaker because of the loss of the dichotomy. Then there is the problem of the different voices as well. They need to be separated in some way, quotes or with breaks in the poem. So the reader know when he is stepping into a shift in the pattern of the poem. Even bold and italic might suggest that shift. The images in the second stanza are the best in the poem except for the end of the last line. It would be great if even in one stanza the images related in some way to one another. Like when the word (plow) is used, if the reader had (rows or fields) the image would become stronger. or with the battle or the monster, what kind of battle? A battle of imagination or swords. Vulnerability verses what? A passion for death: define it better, be specific. And the closure (goo?) how comical. Even Jobe's Dung-heap is better and more real in it's presentation.

Kelstorm commented on The Earth's Rebirth Part 2

06-12-2009

You've given us a good viewpoint of man's need for rebirth over and over again. Instead of learning from their experience, they race to death. This is where the majority of the human race stands. What they don't see is life and freedom. Maybe one of these days they will.

beautifuldeath commented on The Earth's Rebirth Part 2

06-11-2009

ah yes, 'death does become us all' I loved this. it was well written and the imagery was spectacular. 10 from me

When power leads man towards arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the area of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.

John F. Kennedy (1917-1963) Thirty-fifth President of the USA

TheAngelOfDeath’s Poems (86)

Title Comments
Title Comments
"Hollow Whispers" 0
"Murderous intent" 1
Tainted soul 2
"Broken but not dead" 1
"Spring,Summe
r,Fall,Winter
" (Repost)
11
"One fine day in the middle of the night" 8
"Restless" Dedcated to her memory 7
"Drawing a Blank" 10
Raging Sanity Prt 4 2
"Raging Sanity Part 3" 3
"Raging Sanity Part 1 and 2" 9
"The Maniac Part 8" 6
"The Maniac Part 7" 4
"The Maniac Part 6" 5
"The Maniac Part 5" 5
"The Maniac Part 4" 6
"The Maniac Part 3" 8
The Maniac part 2 13
"The Maniac Part 1" 14
"The Mirror of Fate" 6
"The Beams of the Sun" 7
"Beautiful Death" 5
"Faith for the Faithless" 1
"Metamorphosi
s"
2
"The Black Flowers Of Death" 3
"The Thief" 6
"The Weary Traveler" 6
"Spring,Summe
r,Fall,Winter
"
16
"Scarlet Moon" 17
"The Replacement" Revised 6
My Hell 1
Soiled 6
The Teacher 5
The Earth's Rebirth Part 2 4
Dance of Death 1
(..From the beginning to the end..) 4
..The Face Of Death.. -7
"Angel of War" 4
(..The Earths Rebirth..Part 1) 2
..Gossamer Heart.. 4
..Who am I?.. 7
..I once had love.. 18
..The Devil's Black Thrown..(I remember) 5
..Thinking of you.. 3
..Forever.. 8
Feet First 10
..Daze of War.. 33
..The Valley Of The Shadow Of Death.. 4
Love..Hate..H
armony
8
..Alone with myself.. 2
Inflicting Dreams 3
Mocking Words 2
Death's Decay 3
The Economy 2
The Road Of Time 3
La Santa Muerte 10
The Calling 1
Waiting to Die 1
The Perfect Death 4
Poetry Speaks 3
Death's Embrace 9
My Life 9
Ghostless Shell 11
List Of The Unholy 14
Despair.. 12
Betrayed 11
The Unborn 5
Pulsing thoughts 6
Decaying Alive 8
Dead Seeds 4
The Suffering 22
Black Label 16
Storm Of The Calm 4
Never Enough part 2 2
Judgement 6
Third Ey\e Blind 1
Face of the truth 3
a wasted life 11
Moving on... 3
Unbreakable 3
Forever 5
Fate 4
Red Rose 11
Dark,Light 1
Eternal 7
Deaths Angel 12