All this time, I sit here, by both computer screen and cellular

All I have ever asked, was that we remain in touch

Love failed, but that was to be expected. The conditions couldn’t be right

Because on the grounds they were born was destined to be destroyed

All this time, I have bounced back and forth from loving you, needing you caring for you

To hating you, loathing you and still missing you.

Can’t understand why you have left me out of your world

I could find anyone for my pleasure, but your friendship was my joy

The one thing that made all that I would endure that much more bearable

To know you as a friend and not just a lover experiment that failed miserably

It’s like I am an abused child, bruised, battered and emotionally raped

I don’t know what to feel anymore

I’m a mental graveyard, an emotional reanimated corpse to haunt the living

Spiritually fucked up and soulfully wounded

I made you too much a part of my world so soon, and what pain had I foreseen?

Surely not this and I thought in spite of this, you will still be my steadfast friend

I know life for you would be busy, but so is my life and it can come to an end at any minute

If I could run, where to, since I am deeply vexed

Popping pills don’t remove the pain and the sex game doesn’t alleviate from me the very grief

I didn’t want in the first place, but invited it the moment I began to get too close, too attached

I’m past the point my tears fall like torrential rains; the clouds they fall from is dry and no blood

Shall be spilt from my eyes to make up for the loss

What do I demand of you? Nothing… I simply demand nothing anymore.

I dare not request anything, because it is folly, as it is folly to stick one’s chest in front of a slug

Coming from a .50 rifle almost a 600 yards out

I’m tired now, and not even death and the grave and the morbid sexuality of it can free me of it

It’s worse than the drive-by bullet that strayed on the block

Possibly more terrible than being trapped on the mountain in a deadly blizzard

Oh I am so tired, so emotionally starved, mentally raped and spiritually rent

From the moment we met till the nights we spent side by side, I fear this moment though I rushed headlong into my own demise

And now you turn your back to me, and you hide your face!

I’m bleeding on the inside now, and its only a matter of time the heart monitor goes flat

And all that remains the is the soulless killer, the machine, the warrior

Can you resurrect this man from that?

Can you place the breaks on the emotional runaway train?

I doubt that you could, and even if you could, why would you?

You, who have shut me out

Why…

Why!

Why would you stop the train?

Because you have taken me where I do not want to go, and nothing can dissolve what I truly feel now

…emptiness