“The Great Mattress Move Of 67”

this is the story of the great mattress move of

November 1967,

we had all else taken care of but the mattress,

that we knew was going to be a problem,

having no car,

it wouldn’t fit into a shopping cart,

nor any other type of conveyance we could

think of, so, we began by dragging it down

the stairs from the fifth floor of our old

dump to the wet and puddled street, one

block south and up the hill for five blocks

would do it, the first three blocks went

swimmingly (pun intended) up Harrison

Street until we got to Summit ravine,

at Summit  who did we chance to meet

but our two least favorite narcs,

“Hart and Jett”, for

some reason or other they found our version

of Beacon’s Moving humorous, they didn’t even

deign to offer us a hand, we continued dragging

our King sized mattress up Lake Harrison

until we came to Boylston Slough, another 3

free floating blocks and up another 3 flights

of stairs got us to the door, where to our 

disgruntled astonishment we found that the

mattress would not fit through the door.

We struggled with it for a long time

with the narcs looking on

finally one of us got it through his

acid filled brain that maybe we could

do something with the door

having no tools we pulled and

hammered on it with a lug wrench

Tink had loaned us

finally we all got mad and collectively ripped the

door off its hinges, then we attacked

the molding and frame

after almost two hours of drenching torturous

work with the cops looking on we managed

to wedge it through with zero room to spare

just to make our day more miserable

Jett called me down to the car to tell me

to remind him to never use our moving skills

if he ever  needed to move.  Ahardy har har har.

True story.

© Sam Hyde

01-06-11