The Line

10 Comments

Tags:
  • Other

    The Line




    Every morning I wake
    it sits quietly.
    I see it staring back,
    It awaits.

    It requires my strength,
    my weakness, my rage, my fears,
    my serenity, my skills, my wits,
    my hopes, my dreams, and my life. 

    It takes only what it offers,
    it's relentless in it's hunger,
    and never accepts defeat,
    or gives a second chance. 

    It is my failure,
    it is my goal,
    it is a line,
    waiting to be crossed.




    There's a storm coming,
    time to prepare.


    Poem Comments

    (10)

    Please login or register

    You must be logged in or register a new account in order to
    leave comments/feedback and rate this poem.

    Login or Register

    jyothi commented on The Line

    02-10-2011

    Ths Line u have drawned shows lot of inner feelings.
    Reply to Comment

    danmartyjake1 commented on The Line

    01-12-2011

    This is intense and rich with undertones. Your prolific sense defies all reason and all terms.
    Reply to Comment

    RHPeat commented on The Line

    12-30-2010

    And interesting poem but I'm a bit confused by the second use of the word failure "It is my failure" when above you say it "requires my failures" So I'm a bit lost in the intention there. A poet friend// RH Peat
    Reply to Comment

    RPT40

    01/02/2011

    Good catch, and thx for pointing it out. I had noticed that as well, and corrected it on my copy, but forgot to change it here. Thank you for the read.

    RHPeat

    01/02/2011

    The interesting think about the poem and the image here was the title and the man hanging by the line. Yet it is a lined crossed in the poem. While it is the tethered line that holds the mountain climber. This of course added to my confusion about the use of the word failure within the poem as well. I felt I knew what you were suggesting but the line but it became a good enigma as well. it acted metaphorically in ways between image and poem as well. Still a very interesting poem. A poet friend// RH Peat

    RPT40

    01/02/2011

    You read deep. I like that! I remember looking at this picture and think of all that happened in this man's life to put him on that mountain. Then I tried to think on a global scale, how all of us have some line that is either a goal waiting to be acomplished, or a failure trying to lure us in. Then I began thinking about my own life. Times when I faced my own fears, and strived to achieve my goals. I know that in making it through this world, you will always have some line waiting for you to cross it, for better or worse. We are always being tested. Maybe this image and this poem don't really tell that story, but that's the thoughts I got from this picture. Does that shed some light?

    RHPeat

    01/02/2011

    maybe the poem would be stronger without the picture. But I think where it falls short here is the use of the pronoun "it" it is not definite enough to hold the picture. Even a simple metaphor like: "Every morning I wake/ and the mountain sits quietly." This would put a whole other meaning behind the word "line" and the poem as a whole. Ekphrastic works can be difficult at times. For we can derive feelings from what the image provokes and not have that feeling within the poem. Yet the poem as a new art form needs that feeling that provokes our deeper inner self. then in stanza 2 when you use "it" again you could change the image slightly again to reinforce your deeper intent about the goal by saying something like: the rocks require my strength. This again would reinforce your thought a feeling about goal related to the mountain. It would extend the metaphor as well to make the poems stronger within itself. And throughout the complete poem if you were to replace the pronoun with a concrete image that relates to the deeper intent of the feelings about overcoming the mountain you would increase the reader's hold on the poem until you make them a part of the poem by placing them into the poem through the tangible images. You might have to do some research on rock climbing but it might add a lot to the poem and the depth of its intent. Just some thought to think about when you write another poem. But always be aware that pronouns can confuse. Actually Nevelle just brought it to my attention in one of my poems. He misread the pronoun and confused my intent. So I see now I need to rewrite the closure on that poem. Pronouns work best when they are close to the noun they represent. Here you don't mention what "it" is at all. So it becomes that enigma that I was talking about. Still a very interesting poem. And know what I know now it has a lot of possibilities for real leverage on the reader as well. A poet friend// RH Peat

    RPT40

    01/02/2011

    Excellent ideas - I smell a rewrite

    RHPeat

    01/03/2011

    Mind you, the word mountain was just a suggestion to get your mind working a whole other way of looking at the rewrite might be through an active verb instead of a concrete image. Which could be something like "the climb sit quietly each morning." The the subject of "it" is an action verb instead of a concrete image. But either way there is a lot of potential. Or you could even use both. But that would need a compound metaphor. Good examples of compound metaphors could be found in Archibald MacLeish's poem "Ars Poetica" Each couplet is a compound metaphor. (a=b as c=d) (a is like b as c is d) there are several variations on this concept of the double compound metaphor. It is one of the things that MacLeish was known for. He dug it out of ancient history and began using it. A poet friend// RH Peat

    TinaD commented on The Line

    12-30-2010

    Seems like this poem could be a metaphor for the next moment in life.... good write!
    Reply to Comment

    RPT40

    01/02/2011

    Very good observation. Thank you for the read.

    knight4696 commented on The Line

    10-24-2010

    Wow RPT ... Awesome work pal ... quite a thought provoking piece. straight to faves - for creativity and it's uniquely worded statement .. great job my friend! :) Ken
    Reply to Comment

    RPT40

    01/02/2011

    Thx Ken, always happy to see you stop by.

    If I feel physically as if the top of my head were taken off, I know that is poetry.

    Emily Dickinson (1830-1886) American poet.

    RPT40’s Poems (10)

    Title Comments Submitted
    Title Comments Submitted
    Dive 22 11/06/2010
    The Line 10 10/12/2010
    The Remnants Of Today 19 09/25/2010
    Eternal Embrace 22 09/14/2010
    The Vision 20 05/05/2010
    The Ride Of Your Life 25 01/31/2010
    The Eyes Of Madness 18 12/25/2009
    Tomorrow 15 12/25/2009
    Clearly Thinking About Confusion 14 12/16/2009
    The Current 14 12/25/2009
    Top of Page