I was 23
what did I know?
you were 21
a crush was bound to grow
so brawny and masculine
the opposite of my string bean look
proud jaw line with five o’clock shadow
you were always out there
while my head was stuck in a book
somehow, this strange connection grew
Off to the mall
looking for something to do
or at the movies
always at my side
kind of like a protector
while I silently beamed with pride
But I can't get as close as I'd like to
having the wrong body parts
so please don't start
anything you will not finish
for I don't want this unrequited love
in any way to possibly diminish
But nothing is ever meant to last
everything is transient at best
so one holds on for dear life
until the inevitable scenery changes
I turned 24
circumstances booted me to the door
a long distance ruse
while you turned 22
setting out to conquer
anything good enough to prove
or was it just something to do?
But now the years have passed,
regret is a pathetic emotion to grasp
so is regression and repression,
alienation and depression
Just yesterday I googled you,
following an electronic paper trail
all the way to Florida
hoping for a glimpse
just to appease
the ghosts of memory
a wife and kids
a corrugated tin roof
another stake through this heart
bleeding with such an empty feeling
as if I needed any more proof
Just another misfit
with the right body parts
sooner or later
this life will finally start

mathiasthom
written 3/6/10