Essence of memory
Caught deep in my chest
My heart rate quickens
Swallows up my breath
Emotional residue
Weighs heavily on me
Like he did
Can't move or breathe
Can't talk or leave
Just float above
To escape underneath
Let myself detach
To the places he can't reach
Place my heart behind walls
That I can't let him breach
The deeper in me he goes
The further I retreat
Summerland got hit with snow
Cat forgot how to land on its feet
After a big fall
Lucky to be alive
Relearn how to walk
New tools to survive
Until the wind blows
So violent and furious
Pushing a soul
Into silence so serious
Brace for the fall
The cat's no longer curious
Memory of it all
That wind is so perilous
Blowing the clouds across my view
Distorting my vision
Perception askew
Like my clothing and hair
When he was through
Was this my decision?
What part did I play?
And could I consent?
When I was only a young one,
Did I know what it meant?
These pictures of the past
Pop up from time to time
And somehow seem to last
Forever in my mind
The smell of the dirt
The grass and the trees
He pushed up my shirt
And pulled apart my knees
And I recall that it hurt
When he did as he pleased
My sense of self-worth
Was instantly seized
My, my, my
How I need to cry
To release a little of this shame
So much of which I can't clearly name
Touching, feeling
Looking, seeing
Penetration, separation
Silent in humiliation
Withdraw yourself from me
Take yourself from within me
And go...