This is my heart... This is me.




To be rejected is one of the hardest things to deal with in life and love, at least for most. It is even more so for me, understand something I found, in me when I was very young, I would have a simple purpose in life, it was my choice, and I made it without hesitation. It was that I would someday love someone truly and maybe if I did not hold back that person would discover how they could love me the same.....



One day I met a girl who broke my simple purpose, or so I thought. She was my first real love and she was my wife. It took me a long time to see how I could ever love like that again but even then I buried love deep inside for years and denied it existed. I grew stronger, less hurt, and more hurtful to others. Then one day out of nowhere I met the one who changed me. Shannan could incite in me no other feeling but Love. I held back for awhile not trusting myself or her. She dug through my defenses day and night finally I gave in unable to withhold it any longer. She asked me for my heart and from that moment it was only for her. She loved me back too. It was all I ever wanted or needed or could have dreamed possible. Then one day her love for me stopped...

....



I am sitting here in a room that I can not escape. I find that each moment that I'm awake or asleep, is one in which can find no peace, no solace, not the slightest comfort. I need to find what I have lost. I can't seem, to see myself without her. I changed who I was when I fell in love. I embraced that new me, a better me. I destroyed the old me and I never want to go back. I can't!....



Now, to the point!....



To try and save without hope, who it is, that I am. And for me to seek out what I desire above, even, Gods Grace. Does that make me Pathetic...? I think I am something else (although I cry out for the world to hear and judge Me. if only a pathetic plea could possibly bring her to me again.) I think I am a Man. One who would fight until his last, for what he knows to be so right and worth any sacrifice or price. I would die for one soft kiss. I would live in torment eternally just to hear her whisper... 'I loved you. I love you still.' Of course some would say you are worth more than that. I say to all, and Her. All my worth and life is for not, if the Reason, I am who I am, Today, has not a care to listen to my heart for a moment and give this Pathetic Fool his last and final shot at finding what great and wonderful thing somehow along my way I lost... I Love You Shannan. ......