SEVERAL YEARS AGO, WHEN I FIRST BEGAN TO REALIZE I COULD WRITE-CREATE EVEN, I FOUND MY SELF AT TIMES LACKING THE INTIATIVE TO SAY THE LEAST.  I WAS AT THE TIME IN MY ADDICTION.
I TRIED EVERYTHING I COULD THINK OF,. I WOULD SILENTLY TRY TO INSPIRE MYSELF TO CREATE TIGHTER ACCOUNTABILITY WITH INTENSIFIED CONSEQUENCES, BUT NOTHING SEEMED TO WORK.  MY ADDICTION TOOK HOLD OF ME, LIKE THE DOSE OF INSANITY I INJECTED DAILY.
I HAD ALWAYS THOUGHT EVEN BACK THEN, I OBTAINED GREAT INSIGHT AND AN UNUSUAL PROSPECTIVE ON THINGS. ALTHOUGH WHEN IT CAME TO WAKING UP EVERY MORNING LOOKING IN MY OWN MIRROR, THE IMAGE LOOKING BACK AT ME WAS THAT OF EMPTINESS.
I  REMEMBER WATCHING LIFE FROM THE OUTSIDE. I REMEMBER WANTING TO LIVE, BUT BEING AFRAID. IT WAS IF THERE WAS A PERSON INSIDE OF ME WAITING TO BE BORN. BORN AGAIN.
SHE LOOKED LIKE ME, BUT I KNEW SHE WAS VERY DIFFERENT, SHE WOULD NOT BE INVISIBLE, SHE WOULD BE MORE THAN JUST A WATCHER. HER LIFE WOULD REALLY MATTER.
MY SOUL WAS EXPERIENCING THE PAIN OF LABOR, BUT I WONDERED IF THIS PERSON WOULD EVER COME TO LIFE.  IT WAS IF I WAS GOING CRAZY.
THE NORMAL PERSON I HAD WORKED SO HARD TO BE WAS THREATENED BY THE PERSON I SO DESPERATELY LONGED TO BE.
WHILE CLEANING UP MY LIFE, I PONDERED THESE QUESTIONS KNAWING AT ME. NOW THAT IV'E MADE A CHANGE, COULD I MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN MYSELF?  MAYBE THERE IS A TOUCH OF INSANITY, KNOWING WHO I AM. COULD I MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN SOMEONE ELSE'S LIFE?
SOMEONE HURTING SO DESPERATELY TRYING TO CLIMB OUT. JUST AS I DID?  IF IT'S NORMAL TO WAKE UP IN THE MORNING AND JUST TRY TO MAKE IT THROUGH THE DAY, THEN I VOTE FOR ABNORMALITY. I CHOOSE INSANITY.
PERHAPS MY GOAL ALL ALONG SHOULD OF BEEN TO DRIVE MYSELF OUT OF MY MIND, TO MAKE MY HEART POUND AGAINST MY CHEST, TO CAUSE ME TO BREAK OUT INTO A SWEAT, EVEN THOUGH MY BODY IS NOT IN MOTION: TO HAVE WILD AND INSANE THOUGHTS ABOUT WHAT A LIFE WITHOUT GOD COULD BE LIKE. TO THROW CAUTION TO THE WIND AND FOLLOW GOD WHERE-EVER HE LEADS ME.
TO WAKE UP TOMORROW MORNING ASKING THE DANGEROUS QUESTION, WHAT AM I WORTH TODAY?
IT IS SO CLEAR TO ME NOW YEARS LATER WHAT GOD HAS BEEN WHISPERING IN MY EAR.
SEEK ME AND YOU WILL LIVE.
TURN YOUR LIFE OVER TO ME AND YOU WILL BE TOUCHED BY MY MERCIFUL HEART AND MY HANDS WILL CARRY YOU THROUGH LEAVING THE INSANITY FAR BEHIND.