Unfinished & Untitled

16 Comments

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  • Life

    Poem Commentary

    As stated by the title, this needs to be titled, and finished. So I ask you the reader, have at it and finish this piece. Feel free to change whatever you want, and post in the comments below, or if you want to post on your page, then post the link below - enjoy

    Unfinished & Untitled



    The echo of a delicate whisper
    resonates through the song of time
    speaking words that glow through my darkness
    giving me a beacon to follow, a destination to find

    The wind caries the tone
    to which life dances through the night
    spectators we are, destined to dream
    of a far off place beyond our sight

    Living in this world
    to the vision of our eyes
    sometimes missing the truth
    sometimes believing in lies

    Find beauty in life
    by wandering off course
    the beacon guides you home
    and never leaves you lost 

    Living without purpose
    a conscience in eternal strife
    you were asked only to believe
    and to answer with your life

    Ignoring all that exists
    beyond the senses of the mind 
    you create your own rules
    giving you the power to deny

    I could hear your soul's voice calling out
    for the one to ease your pain
    to take you away from all the ones
    that came to you, only to betray

    Looking in the mirror
    you will never see what you truly are
    losing hope in yourself
    the heart becomes scarred


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    sammia commented on Unfinished & Untitled

    09-13-2010

    Artie, I have chose not to add, remove or correct anything within this poem...I wanted to and even came up with a ending stanza but nope I would not do such a thing...Great write...Look within Artie and you will find what your looking for..I am sure of that..

    Musicmynded1 commented on Unfinished & Untitled

    08-24-2010

    (maybe what you seek is one of those ending types that is just like how it began but slightly changed)... otherwise this is pretty flawless and a great write. The echo of a delicate whisper still resonating through the song of time no-longer glowing through my darkness but flooding every shadow with a brilliant light. *BEACON sounds like a good title for it

    Rhymer commented on Unfinished & Untitled

    07-31-2010

    WOW! What can one say except excellent. This poem speaks to me of watching someone you love being betrayed, their love not returned, being emotionally scarred time and again and you are unable to do anything about it. 10 from me.

    knight4696 commented on Unfinished & Untitled

    07-11-2010

    Artie - So, a challenge you have presented. But, I have to agree with DrewMcNee's and Hampton's comments ... I must decline. Too deep to dive into my friend. Well Maybe I'll attempt a title: How about "Too Close To Home" ... Great work as usual! :) Ken

    Artie

    07/18/2010

    I'm glad you enjoyed this. Latrz

    DrewMcNee commented on Unfinished & Untitled

    07-09-2010

    I have avoided this piece. It hits too hard, too deep. The error is mine. For what it is worth, you are not alone. Drew.

    Artie

    07/18/2010

    Yeah I know what you mean. Thanks for the read - Latrz

    In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.

    Franz Kafka (1883-1924) Czech writer.

    Artie’s Poems (71)

    Title Comments
    Title Comments
    Fireflies 1
    My Final Prayer 1
    A Whisper Behind The Scream 3
    She 2
    Miss You 1
    Speechless 1
    Clarity 2
    Believe 3
    The Song Of My Life 2
    A Piece Of Me (2012) 5
    The Children Of The Night 5
    House Of Cards 2
    A Journey To The Surface 3
    Until Next Time 2
    Sinister 2
    One Life 3
    Irreverent Pleasures 19
    Prelude To A Nightmare 23
    Scratching The Surface 27
    Conundrum 19
    Defeated 33
    The Blood Of The Poet 35
    Beyond The Looking Glass 24
    Embraced 22
    The Night Of Eternal Light 18
    The Forbidden Fruit 19
    The Creator Of Tomorrow 15
    The Band Played On 16
    Mortal Memories, Immortal Thoughts 22
    Fade 23
    Unfinished & Untitled 16
    The Machine 16
    Instrument 20
    Beyond My Grasp 26
    The Day I Lost Aim 17
    Cyclone 18
    I Await 52
    A Decade Of Stone 18
    #1 20
    The Mask Of Fear And Doubt 13
    ...they don't exist 12
    A Breath Of Air 16
    More Of You 18
    Hostage 10
    Soulless Solace 14
    Power Outage 15
    Why I Believe 23
    Duet 21
    Forever Unfinished 28
    Gravity 24
    Cosmic Smoke 46
    Surviving The Storm 36
    Feed 29
    Everyday 23
    Reborn 35
    Overcome 35
    Hmmm... 28
    What Does This Mean To You? 31
    The Beacon Ignited 18
    Purify 25
    Endless 12
    One Moment In Time 30
    A Peek Inside 28
    A Piece Of Me 20
    The Ocean 26
    A Beacon Of Light 27
    1987 26
    A Cold Future 15
    The Child Who Could Fly 43
    Your Path 20
    The First Thoughts Of Love 28