Untitled Breaths...

11 Comments

  • Altair
  • Don't read me, I am not that good.......

Poem Commentary

Must be read as if a song, there is a rhythm within the context of this expression, can you find it? One hint, it switches but remains much the same... bum..bum bum...bum bum... Just take your time in reading and perhaps you will find what you seek... good luck

Untitled Breaths...


Don't...disturb...the beast...
Tempermental goat...to sins...again I'm treading so soft...
and...lightly compromising...mine...will I end?



Death...upon...the wind
Sight so goes...again...the sense I'm dreading so soft...
and...lightly compromise what...mind...will I end?



I am...I will...some don't...long for...Will I...lay down...play dead...play your tune..In the midnight locked, down, and terrified...You're a deer in the headlights, shot down and glorified. When push...comes to pull...comes to shove...comes to step around...this self..destructive dance..that never would have managed..in mine... prose...nigh...roar aloud...here...mine...will I end?



Will I...lay down...some don't...long for...
Will I...lay down...play dead...play this...
Beat down...gun shy...martyre...there fold...
I prosed...I roared...I am...I will.....


Poem Comments

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dreamscape commented on Untitled Breaths...

04-23-2010

Holy crap Altair, what a lovely yet disturbingly interesting piece you created here. I love the title first off, and the way the song moves in varied directions in breaths that tend to allow the reader to fill in the lines of what seems random thoughts, but it all falls together when you relate it verse to verse. Damn you are a genius, i do not think I can say it enough my friend. Hugs =)

Altair

04/24/2010

everyone seems to love the title, I do as well so this is favored. I thank you so much for commenting on my work and putting it in such high regard...much appreciated coming from a poet such as yourself...you understood this piece so well

SuperChick76 commented on Untitled Breaths...

04-22-2010

Nice... The beat of the song, if I got it right, was very strong and goes wonderfully with the lyrics. This is so different than your usually expressions, I truly enjoyed the change. :) Beautifully written, dear. Loved it.

Altair

04/22/2010

I would trust you got it right love, it is quite different in flow opposed to my work, but it was so much fun to write and my heart lead its formation, thanks prodigy

knight4696 commented on Untitled Breaths...

04-18-2010

Altair my friend .... This is definately one of your best writes. With or without it's song-like rhythms, it is a deep metaphorical inner-spirit conflict that I relate to all too well. A Dark look into the soul of the poet and the battles that persist within. A metaphorical masterpiece indeed! :) Awesome job! :) Ken

Altair

04/18/2010

Good to see you my friend, yes I truly love this one myself, I felt it one morning as I awoke to my heart beating frantically at times and slow and pounding at others....thanks my friend

SavVySam commented on Untitled Breaths...

04-18-2010

You create interesting rhythms in this original piece, I am sensing conflict being worked out within these lines...choices being made with the emotions of both possible outcomes in clear view...Soul decisions...all to a heartbeat...

Altair

04/18/2010

wow save, you hit the nail on the head truly in deciphering this expression, I am very impressed, though not surprised for you are a venturing relic in yourself. thank you

ApaqRasgirl commented on Untitled Breaths...

04-17-2010

that was great--I had to read it several times then I began to see into the mind of the poet--your words were powerful and the title fits it so well. thanks for sharing love Asha

Altair

04/17/2010

thank you asha, your comment is much appreciated...

If I feel physically as if the top of my head were taken off, I know that is poetry.

Emily Dickinson (1830-1886) American poet.

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