Untitled

2 Comments

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  • Passion

    Poem Commentary

    Something a little different for me. Needs a title. Feedback welcomed.

    Untitled

    I drank one that became four
    as the reverb from the house band
    forced my neck to twitch
    until it progressed into
    a calming frequency.

    Lured into the air
    like a bird on a wire,
    I was nestled in your arms
    until we ventured inland;
    once again, but different
    now that four doors existed.

    The music played
    creating a seductive soundtrack
    to our dusk set park n ride,
    through tinted glass
    glaring off blackness.

    The windows were covered
    with breathless steam
    reflecting nothing
    but our immediate extremity.
    The music throbbed louder,
    yet gentle,
    like a reoccurring sequel of
    a Donald Sutherland film.

    The skyline was glowing faintly
    with vague hints of an impending dawn.
    The car rocked in motion
    as if in sink with the speakers
    pulsing in surround sound.
    You played my like a kick drum
    pounding, yet mild to the touch
    openly affected by emotion
    in heightened to escalation
    you can have me for a song
    as the journey much later
    came to an end.

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    Rhymer commented on Untitled

    08-28-2010

    I can tell you are a talented writer, enjoyed the metaphors, the rhythm and rhyme. 10 from me.

    FadingFebruary commented on Untitled

    07-13-2010

    I love it and enjoyed it. :] Yes, I love a quote on that said "An untitled poem is like an unnamed child." I know sometimes it's hard to come up with a fitting name; I'm sure you'll think of something.

    In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.

    Franz Kafka (1883-1924) Czech writer.

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