untitled......once again...


Poem Commentary

so....i decided to try out a little bit of rhyme....it's not what i usually do.....but i'm trying to break out of what i'm used to....let me know what you think!

untitled......once again...

taking my wind
a blow from the side
where do i land
with everything combined
into moments open wide
and a whirling collide
pieces break and crack
here's when we decide
is it worth all the holes
all the wreckage inside
broken words-tattered bandages
what will they find
in a dream in a motion
in the collapse of our minds
with eyes shut
with eyes fluttering
with eyes open wide

Poem Comments


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dahlusion commented on untitled......once again...


"all the wreckage inside" —WOW! This piece moves like a finely tuned sports car. Would love to hear you read this. Bravo!! Peace and Light, dah

arronpalmer commented on untitled......once again...


Good first stab. It reads like you selected your words carefully, whilst also having an air of streaming conciousness to it. Love it.

lorenzo commented on untitled......once again...


me likes this...it's unique...cool...cryptic...offbeat....

ReelLife commented on untitled......once again...


I really like your style of writing and combination of words. You paint a picture in every selected word and it flows wonderfully, great job! I look forward to reading more of your masterpieces!

In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.

Franz Kafka (1883-1924) Czech writer.

simplypeace’s Poems (26)

Title Comments
Title Comments
haiku 2
the risk (new revised version) 0
him 3
if i could talk 3
the choice 1
.once again...
youth 3
the risk 2
stolen 4
out of life 1
truth 1
naked cigarettes 2
a new silence 2
the meeting 10
often and then 15
dead girls are easy 13
mine 5
untitled 6 7
accusations in peace 5
untitled 5 6
untitled 4 4
untitled 3 4
untitled 2 3
untitled 4
haiku 6
unconditional 7