Waiting in torture for you to call....

I wait for your call,
But all i hear is silence...
I am utterly appauled,
I thought you were different??

Maybe i was wrong or maybe im right, 
My heart and brain are constantly at fight...
I dont know how to end this sadness, 
My world is in a chaotic mess...

Like a hurricane on a mission,
I am torn between You & him,
Which to my dismay, both of you abandon😭...

I am a slave to this game satan is playing,
I was an innocent victim & now im corrupted
All i ask for is respect & answers for what wasnt said??
Is that to much to ask for this torture you put us in??

A million words scramble around and around,
But yet i cant seem find the glue i need to set them down..
They scatter about but im to scared to spit them out. 
I am strong, but weak, silent but also loud,
Maybe i am 2 proud 2 speak what u really mean to me...

I dont know, im a fool to wanna have a man to love,
My real affair is supposed to be with the man above...
I guess i thought id be married with a big family,
But all i am is a fat worthless failing nobody!!! 

I cant compete with the skinny rich girls who have it all,
Im not a fool to recognize im knocking at a dead wall...
Maybe i am destined to be all alone & have no home,
I have your number but i dare not pick up the phone...

Its your turn to reach out and see if im okay, 
To ask or wish that i have a great day,
But i know you dont truly care so i sit in a deep stare,
The confusion of what i thought could be, 
is a mystery so rare???

Whats a girl to do when she meets a real man like you?? 
My fingers are tingly & my knees are weak,
Oh what am i to do with a heart so blue over you??
Was this your plan to deceive me and torture me??

If it was its truly working....