wandering wide

2 Comments

Tags:
  • Dark Poetry
    • jenifer
    • alert but not enough sleep . hope my poems please thee.

    wandering wide

     tears of a dreamer in her mind,wandering wide, within her heart she hears it the beating inside, the triangle that wont end, the nothing the pain the love to bleed i do and something here with you. raindrops casting abone the ground a bleeding wound without a sound . a moment cast away to soon , and ending all atoned with you. slipping sliding on the shore drowning gone all no more. a blanket covers the body but not the soul and takes it away to where bodies end there days.    sorrow a miss just like your kiss that ended the way.

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    Troubador commented on wandering wide

    08-24-2009

    Okay jenifer, I was kind of hard on you when I read your last poem I read of yours and that is because I worked in the writing field as a poetry editor/reader. First off, I like this poem however the format sucks Yet the words do hold your attention and give it a maudlin tone which is probably what you were going for I will not be as hard on you in this critique/comment. Except to ask you if you omitted a word. I would like to hold a poetry class to teach you how to write because I believe that you are rather talented you just need some direction. A beautiful dark love poem loved the read.
    Reply to Comment

    1990lh commented on wandering wide

    08-24-2009

    wow that was very deep jen sad in a way but i still enjoyed reading it i realy like line blanket covers the body but not the soul and takes it away to where bodies end there days great write
    Reply to Comment

    Poetry is either something that lives like fire inside you or else it is nothing, an empty formalized bore around which pedants can endlessly drone their notes and explanations.

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