Why I Believe


  • Life

    Why I Believe

    To this day
    I feel your eyes upon me
    When I look over my shoulder
    nothing is there
    you have been with me 
    my entire life
    and even before

    you were there
    in the mind and heart of my birth mother
    in her moment of doubt
    when she fell prey to shame
    gave in to fear
    allowed herself to believe
    that she was not worthy
    so she gave me away
    you were there

    you were there
    in trying to break the spirit
    of a young couple in love
    by taking their child
    they didn't crumble, they stood
    they didn't doubt, they believed
    they didn't give up, they found me
    you were there

    you were there
    my whole childhood
    watching, learning, waiting
    my spirit was wild, free, and fearless
    perfect for you to exploit
    the moment mother's wing pulled back
    you were there

    you were there
    in the hearts of my friends
    when we defied the rules
    gave in to our pleasure
    filling ourselves with want
    we drank your blood
    inhaled your breath
    and filled our veins
    with your illusions
    it was then
    I saw you for the first time
    you were there

    You were there
    corrupting my gifts
    the silver tongue,
    that rallied many to my side
    the charisma
    that dropped women to their knees
    the quick thinking that guided my words
    to the ears of your strongest enemies
    and the wisdom that followed
    to have all who listened
    believing in nothing
    you were there

    you were there
    with the promise of an empire
    I was a slave to the power
    a servant to desire
    and a dealer of pleasure
    When they wanted more
    they gave all they had
    but more was all that mattered
    one by one they fell
    and I made them love every minute of it
    I drank from the golden chalice
    and defecated on all who loved me
    you were there

    you were there
    when all hope was lost
    all belief had died
    the smiling faces all around me
    were now rotting corpses
    The ocean of truth
    were the waters in which I was drowning
    and when I need a helping hand
    something was pulling me under
    you were there

    you were there
    on that Christmas eve
    my parents sitting laughing
    enjoying the night with friends
    with no idea
    I was two blocks away
    flat on my back
    collapsed in the street
    from taking more than my heart could handle
    looking up at the winter sky
    with a faint smile in knowing
    this pain was about to end
    you were there

    you were there
    an apparition before my eyes
    standing over me calling me home
    the only sound I heard
    was the beating of my heart
    fading away till there was silence
    then you looked to the sky
    and screamed with rage and defiance
    exposing your true form
    looked down at me one last time
    pointed your finger at me
    and vanished
    leaving me alone
    dying in that street

    ...and then
    something amazing happened
    I felt the presence of another...

    A single drop of rain fell
    landing in my eye, causing me to blink
    and suddenly I remembered my mother
    holding me in her arms
    singing to me when I was sick

    then another drop hit my face
    causing me to flinch
    I remembered the smile on my father's face
    the day he taught me to swim

    the rain started falling faster
    and it was so cold
    my heart begin pounding
    tears streaming from my eyes
    I remembered my brother cheering
    the day I learned to ride a bicycle

    then sky opened up
    freezing rain fell soaking me
    there were images filling my thoughts
    of every happy moment in my life

    the cold rain falling so hard
    filled my mouth causing me to gag
    I turned my head vomiting
    for what seemed like hours
    I just sat there
    in the street crying
    happy to be alive

    later that night
    when I was home lying in bed
    I knew you were there
    just as you've always been
    but something was different
    I couldn't see you anymore
    and I didn't want to


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    Embraced commented on Why I Believe


    I dont think it can get any more personal than this one. Thanks for being so open. Its not easy. E~



    My thinking is, if writings like this one aren't shared, then all else is a lie. Thanks

    cheronld commented on Why I Believe


    Wow...what a potent write my friend....the visuals were remarkable and so honest in the telling...I went through the gambit of emotions where I felt a guardian angel was watching over me...to the omnious feeling that the devil was at my side cheering me on....this was an emotionally charged write my friend and simply incredible...Cher

    Terrible commented on Why I Believe


    speechless just plain speechless artie you know about the life that we all have been thru true inspiration and led by GOD

    sammia commented on Why I Believe


    Bravo Artie. You need to stand and take center stage and take the praise that are being given to you. Wow is more than what I can say. Know you are never alone in this world and more than likely not is the after life either. Favorites for this one also and a 10

    tenderpoison commented on Why I Believe


    my friend, it is true...we are never alone. there is one who delights in our destruction...but also, and far more importantly, one who rescues us from it. I love seeing you share so much of yourself in your work...very well done. 10

    Poetry is not the expression of personality but an escape from personality.

    T. S. Eliot (1888-1965) American-English poet and playwright.

    Artie’s Poems (71)

    Title Comments
    Title Comments
    Fireflies 1
    My Final Prayer 1
    A Whisper Behind The Scream 3
    She 2
    Miss You 1
    Speechless 1
    Clarity 2
    Believe 3
    The Song Of My Life 2
    A Piece Of Me (2012) 5
    The Children Of The Night 5
    House Of Cards 2
    A Journey To The Surface 3
    Until Next Time 2
    Sinister 2
    One Life 3
    Irreverent Pleasures 19
    Prelude To A Nightmare 23
    Scratching The Surface 27
    Conundrum 19
    Defeated 33
    The Blood Of The Poet 35
    Beyond The Looking Glass 24
    Embraced 22
    The Night Of Eternal Light 18
    The Forbidden Fruit 19
    The Creator Of Tomorrow 15
    The Band Played On 16
    Mortal Memories, Immortal Thoughts 22
    Fade 23
    Unfinished & Untitled 16
    The Machine 16
    Instrument 20
    Beyond My Grasp 26
    The Day I Lost Aim 17
    Cyclone 18
    I Await 52
    A Decade Of Stone 18
    #1 20
    The Mask Of Fear And Doubt 13
    ...they don't exist 12
    A Breath Of Air 16
    More Of You 18
    Hostage 10
    Soulless Solace 14
    Power Outage 15
    Why I Believe 23
    Duet 21
    Forever Unfinished 28
    Gravity 24
    Cosmic Smoke 46
    Surviving The Storm 36
    Feed 29
    Everyday 23
    Reborn 35
    Overcome 35
    Hmmm... 28
    What Does This Mean To You? 31
    The Beacon Ignited 18
    Purify 25
    Endless 12
    One Moment In Time 30
    A Peek Inside 28
    A Piece Of Me 20
    The Ocean 26
    A Beacon Of Light 27
    1987 26
    A Cold Future 15
    The Child Who Could Fly 43
    Your Path 20
    The First Thoughts Of Love 28