To this day
I feel your eyes upon me
When I look over my shoulder
nothing is there
you have been with me 
my entire life
and even before

you were there
in the mind and heart of my birth mother
in her moment of doubt
when she fell prey to shame
gave in to fear
allowed herself to believe
that she was not worthy
so she gave me away
you were there

you were there
in trying to break the spirit
of a young couple in love
by taking their child
they didn't crumble, they stood
they didn't doubt, they believed
they didn't give up, they found me
you were there

you were there
my whole childhood
watching, learning, waiting
my spirit was wild, free, and fearless
perfect for you to exploit
the moment mother's wing pulled back
you were there

you were there
in the hearts of my friends
when we defied the rules
gave in to our pleasure
filling ourselves with want
we drank your blood
inhaled your breath
and filled our veins
with your illusions
it was then
I saw you for the first time
you were there

You were there
corrupting my gifts
the silver tongue,
that rallied many to my side
the charisma
that dropped women to their knees
the quick thinking that guided my words
to the ears of your strongest enemies
and the wisdom that followed
to have all who listened
believing in nothing
you were there

you were there
with the promise of an empire
I was a slave to the power
a servant to desire
and a dealer of pleasure
When they wanted more
they gave all they had
but more was all that mattered
one by one they fell
and I made them love every minute of it
I drank from the golden chalice
and defecated on all who loved me
you were there

you were there
when all hope was lost
all belief had died
the smiling faces all around me
were now rotting corpses
The ocean of truth
were the waters in which I was drowning
and when I need a helping hand
something was pulling me under
you were there

you were there
on that Christmas eve
my parents sitting laughing
enjoying the night with friends
with no idea
I was two blocks away
flat on my back
collapsed in the street
from taking more than my heart could handle
looking up at the winter sky
with a faint smile in knowing
this pain was about to end
you were there

you were there
an apparition before my eyes
standing over me calling me home
the only sound I heard
was the beating of my heart
fading away till there was silence
then you looked to the sky
and screamed with rage and defiance
exposing your true form
looked down at me one last time
pointed your finger at me
and vanished
leaving me alone
dying in that street



...and then
something amazing happened
I felt the presence of another...



A single drop of rain fell
landing in my eye, causing me to blink
and suddenly I remembered my mother
holding me in her arms
singing to me when I was sick

then another drop hit my face
causing me to flinch
I remembered the smile on my father's face
the day he taught me to swim

the rain started falling faster
and it was so cold
my heart begin pounding
tears streaming from my eyes
I remembered my brother cheering
the day I learned to ride a bicycle

then sky opened up
freezing rain fell soaking me
there were images filling my thoughts
of every happy moment in my life

the cold rain falling so hard
filled my mouth causing me to gag
I turned my head vomiting
for what seemed like hours
I just sat there
in the street crying
happy to be alive

later that night
when I was home lying in bed
I knew you were there
just as you've always been
but something was different
I couldn't see you anymore
and I didn't want to