Wonderings of a Girl Lost in a Lonely World

Dear Mommy,

Do you miss me?

I wonder, am I what haunts your memories?

Do you think of a time when you had me,

And I loved you then...

Do you feel that you have lost?

Seeing my face, thinking of your lies...

When you cry is it me you see at night?

You showed me the world from the begining.

Never sheltering me,

The messes you put us in,

You let me know everything.

Always wanting me to feel your pain.

Never wanting better for me...

Your selfish love taking everything.

I wonder...

Did you ever truely love me?

If I was worth loving...

Or if I was just another mistake in your world of sin.

Mommy, when do you think you'll be forgivin?

Hey Daddy,

Did you know you're apart of me?

I'm not just another orphan...

I'm your flesh, your skin.

I think it might of been better not knowing...

Then knowing you don't care...

That one night made my life...

I'm the daughter you left for nothing...

Would you stop and see what you've become?

Could you see how different things could have been?

If you could stop your games and let love in.

I could've had one good parent.

In the grasps of those who tormented me...

Did you know you might've saved me?

Instead now I'm alone and broken...

Would you go back and do it all again?

Or see you had a daughter that needed loving?

Third of your seven children...

No less important...

Daddy, why to you do I mean nothing?

Hi Family,

We share the same stories...

The same history.

The same burdens we carry...

We're connected, but tearing at the seams.

Could you ever stop the numbing,

And truely live to be something?

Could you take back the selfishness?

Save the child that so needed saving?

Would you go back to change everything?

Or go on being nothing...

Could I break the curse of our family?

Will it stop with me or be never ending?

Do you think any of you will ever be happy?

Or will you swim in your misery?

Empty smiles, false promises...

All of our dirty laundry needs washing.

When will we be together like blood relatives should be?

Do you think we'll ever have those traditional Thanksgivings?

Why aren't we apart of the lucky?

Family, what does that word mean to you?

Because as of now it means nothing to me.

Sup Homies,

Those I've lost and those I'm finding...

Thanks for being my true family,

For being there when I had nothing...

Listening to me cry and making me laugh

I needed you guys more than you think.

No matter how deep we got...

Our friendships will always have meaning.

I love you the most.

A blunt smoked...

A bottle drank...

We shared struggles and numbed the pain.

Our memories running away from the world...

Trying to make sence of living...

We were lost.

But had eachother.

Broken but broken together...

Those nights with you I'll never forget.

And the love you showed me I'll always remember.

Hello Lovers,

The question I asked you all...

Why did you love me?

What was it about me you wanted?

Was it the challenge?

Or did you just want to get close to me?

Do you wish you still had me?

No matter what I say theres a piece of you,

That will always be with me...

Did you learn from our broken relationship?

Or keep playing?

Are we friends or enimies?

Would you embrace my hug?

Or say nothing and shrug me?

I wonder if you'd never regret "our" something...

Or if you're wishing we never had anything...

I wonder what you thought of me...

If you think of me still.

What of those who lied...

Detroying parts of me...

Do you regret the pain you caused?

I wonder if any of it were true...

If love is real...

If I was supposed to love you...

Lovers, I'll never regret what once made me happy...

And at one time it was you.

To my enemies,

Did you think I might break?

Did you ever stop and think about what you were doing?

Think about the life you were ruining?

If you were my "friend"...

A wolf in sheeps clothing...

You're false and you'll get what your deserving.

A innocent child, a grown woman...

However you may have see me.

I hope the pain you caused set you free.

Did you feel better?

Did you think you were above me?

Am I the victim?

Or the survivor?

Just to let you know

You mean nothing...

Dear God,

How is your life going?

Is the world your oyster?

Or your disaster...

Is this what you wanted from us?

Or was being alone better?

What is the meaning of life?

And why isn't it known?

Will you bring peace to the cities?

Love across the world...

Could people be not selfish?

And give for someone unknown...

Where is my place?

Could you help me find me?

Bring peace within...

Do you still love me through my faults?

Care for me through my sins?

In the end will I be forgivin?

Or will there be nothing...

If I asked would you catch me whenever I fall?

Would you help to make me better?

Could I become a flower out of the concrete?

Will you save me Lord?

Or will you let me wither and sink beneath?

What of those around me?

Would you save them too?

Even if they hurt too much to believe in you?

I thank you God for all that you have given me...

But I just want to know

Why God is this the world you created?

In hopes of love...

Why then is there hate?