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Brighter Star

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09-18-2009 at 11:04:30 PM

Brighter Star

The days the months the years go by but my life is still the same.
I move ahead one thousand steps then ten thousand back again.
I've lost a sense of who I am and what I'd like to be..I stumble through the darkness 'til that's all that I can see. Turn on the light...life lingers there..life wasn't meant for deep despair. Your hopes and dreams can still be met..you're young life isn't over yet. The silly things that break your heart can help you find a place to start. So look for new things clear and bright and always keep your goals in sight..time can change the way things are and lead you to a brighter star.

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09-19-2009 at 04:39:21 AM

Re: Brighter Star

I really like the rhythm of this poem. It kept pushing me forward. That probably doesn't make sense but.......To be simplistic, I really like this poem. smile

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09-20-2009 at 07:36:36 AM

Re: Brighter Star

You have a good sense of rhythm. So that's a good start. Many writers have no sense of meter at all. I still have a hard time with it.

Read this with a fresh eye. Remove the cliches and familiar phrases. Don't worry about rhyme unless it just falls that way.

I think you'll enjoy your poem much better.

I'd love to see what you do with it.



The days the months the years go by
but my life is still the same.
I move ahead one thousand steps
then ten thousand back again.
I've lost a sense of who I am
and what I'd like to be.
I stumble through the darkness
'til that's all that I can see.
Turn on the light.
life lingers there.
life wasn't meant for deep despair.
Your hopes and dreams can still be met.
you're young life isn't over yet.
The silly things that break your heart
can help you find a place to start.
So look for new things clear and bright
and always keep your goals in sight.
time can change the way things are
and lead you to a brighter star.

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Poetry is not the expression of personality but an escape from personality.

T. S. Eliot (1888-1965) American-English poet and playwright.
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