Dreams, Embarrassment...Life

You know maybe when you take a look out onto a field of nature, get engulfed in the Earth's beauty, God's creation. Sit and settle, take a deep breath. Listen and feel the power of nature run through your veins, piling into your lungs. Close your eyes and save those astonishing images in your memory forever. Creating a "happy place" for if you're one day able to escape to.
But when you open your eyes, the imagery is gone, vanished within a millisecond. A dream, most unlikely to ever occur again, never knowing what your conscious is open to.
Dreams, anything can happen, everything can feel as real and anything is possible, when in them; you can experience the unfamiliar feeling of being rejuvinated, peaceful...perfect. Your flaws...non-existent.
Through the knowledge you contain can take you as far as you allow it to. Talents, knowledge, or hope can be a block; protect you from the never ending, excruciating blows. The violence from the same familiar fists lunging and attacking, never the same place, but the same evidence.Bruises, prints, and hatred left on your bare skin. Embarrassing and fearful, covering up to keep the secrects in.
The risk, and fighting the disease of addiction. The taste, the calling, the yearning for the rush. The feeling of fog in your brain, excitement, the rushing running up from your toes to head. The spice, until it begins to wear, crashing, abnormal. Looking in the mirror, seeing a stranger looking back at you, once a healthy, to anorexic, broken, dying version. Only wondering what happened to yourself, why did it get this far? Will I ever have hope? The fear of giving up the monster that is killing you off, to depart from your "Joy" in life. Knowing you can't and confidence gone after you go right back to that mirror and seeing what you have become. The cycle of this keeps you running back.