Drink

What is wrong with me, and why do i feel so much fear? Why can't thing's and life's problem's just magicaly disappear? At 36 I feel i have lived so much of my life, i feel it's taken on a long melodramict role like in a movie or drawn out like in a depressing song, or like a broken record playing over and and over the same song. 
 Where have i gone wrong? I have made so many mistakes, some that can't be rectified and one's that remain and steady their place. 
 Why have i done so wrong, and what remains of my soul, where do i begin to save face and start a new life with goodness and grace.
I have always felt a failure at many things and that sometimes life is a waste, like wanting to be alone and wollowing in you're own distaste.
I have spent countless hours wondering why, why i do thing's so stupid and later make me sad and cry.
 How when i was younger i partied without care, suprisingly with out any addiction, but now look at me all grown up, to come now so late in life, it is'nt fair.
 When i took that first sip i never knew it to be true how evil you could be and the diruption you could really do.
I wanted you out of boredome as some do, to drink and laugh, and feel no longer blue.
 A momentary escape from my life, and with that new feeling's grew.
I thought to myself why do i like this drink so much, why does it make me happy and such, but then later after the happy wore away, left me a feeling of such discust.
 I liked that drink so much, it made me feel happy, and felt like my problems were no more than a care away, till it started disrupting my life and chasing my good dreams away.
 Huddled by myself with drink in hand, how could i have made a friend of you and made my life disappear like i now can see the bottom of this can.
You were there for me when times were rough, when i thought i was all alone with no one to trust.
I could turn to you to take the pain away, to chase all the fears and keep that at bay.
It was fun in the beginning i must say, but really when the last sip is gone it just turns back to that same song, the one that haunts me and is never gone.
 To my dismay you weren't my friend, after i felt good for awhile the problems came back again.
I have to say don't turn to drink to chase you're problems away they only will resurface in some other way.
Through the drink i turned another way, i turned and looked away, away from my problems as if they were gone, and all it caused me was new problems that i wish were far gone.
 I loose my inhibitions, and do wrong, ive lost all my friends and their all gone. The drink was my friend that brought this all on, how can i like you when you make me do wrong.
 I hate you then i love you, i want you more even after you're gone, because i feel more alive, more happy more there than before, but addiction is an addiction that makes you feel numb and sore.
I'd have to say after all that, how i almost died that nite and that would have been it.
I think back to that nite with much regret, because i knew that the drink had taken me here and that made me sick.
 After all i am still here, sober for a month and my mind is still clear. You were the friend that even though i didn't die were the one that did however kill and numb my insides.
You were the one that made me want you to hide from myself, and ultimetly in the end made me lay all alone in that hospital bed bymyself.
 Realise how important life is and every breath, you never know when it and you will come to rest.
A time when no more can be said, you can't speak and no more tears can be shed, to lay there still under everyones gaze soon to be covered by that first mound of dirt that covers the box you lie in like a thickening glaze over you're grave.
I'm not going down like that to wander a maze, a maze of unknow at the end of one's days.
 I'm alive for a purpose of such, to be a better person, to flurish and blossom forever more, to be like a bird as it flies higher to soar.
The drink didn't take me and forever more, i will lokk back on that nite no more.
To live in the past is to ignore the life in front of you now that you should be living and more.
To be a friend, a lover, a confidant, a person who loves and laughs and lives life more, to be confident in yoo. 
I life so beautiful you must not dispair, for you drink you are no more to me anymore than a glance and a i'm free from you stare.