RE: RE: New Posting (Weather Report)

"Balladeer"
This foot does pose an interesting challenge. I was thinking about it last night. Why not: (an iamb, a tribrach, and a trochee) forming a parallel line in subject matter with a connective word in the unaccented middle syllable. It's an interesting concept for a short poem. \

A poet friend
RH Peat

Last edited by RHPeat 04-30-2010 at 05:38:20 PM

RE: New Posting (Weather Report)

Sounds intriguing. Can you give me an example?

RE: New Posting (Weather Report)

Nope, no smarty pants here. We're all in the same boat. I actually HAVE found the discussion intriguing.

I'm beyond impressed with your work. It may be a little rough but not by much. The way you use the tribrach is very balanced.

in-TER-(prets the un)-FINished
where O-(cean and in)-VOLVE-ment

Very nice. The sentence picks up speed with the opening iamb, levels off with the tribrach and then settles down with the trochee. I like it!

As far as dissecting the poem itself, the fifth line is missing a syllable, which throws the rhythm off. Something like "where rivers run through mountains" would fix that. The 16th line loses the meter with "excess", as does the last line with "residence". Other than that, I think the poem is very exact. You may want to choose different wording if you like but the structure and the flow of the lines are really brilliant. Nice work.

RE: RE: New Posting (Weather Report)

Balladeer
The catch on line 5 is a good one for sure but one of the words in question might have to do with where you're from and where I'm from. For my dictionary allows (excess) to be pronounced (EXcess or exCESS). (Residence) is out; the accent falls on the first syllable. But interestingly it can be pronounced two ways as well, with either 2 or 3 syllables. Maybe that's what was throwing me off. But the count was wrong as well for the tribrach. The change there in the line might have actually improved the depth of meaning in the poem as well. It has been an interesting adventure and I do want to thank you for all the help here. Like you say "We're all in this together." And I might add, "since the beginning of time." But I do like to joke around a bit. Many take it all too serious at times. I love it when some one can offer me something to use along with their two bits.

A poet friend
RH Peat

Here's where I'm at now.

Tearing At The Land

Peninsula from pebbles
interprets the unfinished
where ocean and involvement
succumb to the abrasions;
where rivers run through mountains
the prominence subsides with
a withering corrosion
that liquefies with silting.

In water and in tempest
topography entangles
the energy of pressure
to fracture and to shatter,
a knowingness in nature
that crumbles and unburdens,
demolishes the stony
complexities in ridges.

The elements in excess
awaken to continue
transcendence in the broken,
deliverance of tidal
realities refurbish
the earth in its rebuilding
of sediments through matter
with gravity’s attraction.

© RH Peat 4/28/2010 6:56pm
Form : Accentual syllabic meter
3 octets/ 24 lines
(Iamb, tribrach, trochee) trimeter.

Last edited by RHPeat 04-30-2010 at 05:39:55 PM

RE: RE: RE: New Posting (Weather Report)

Quote:

Originally Posted by RHPeat

Originally Posted by Balladeer

Nope, no smarty pants here. We're all in the same boat. I actually HAVE found the discussion intriguing.

I'm beyond impressed with your work. It may be a little rough but not by much. The way you use the tribrach is very balanced.

in-TER-(prets the un)-FINished
where O-(cean and in)-VOLVE-ment

Very nice. The sentence picks up speed with the opening iamb, levels off with the tribrach and then settles down with the trochee. I like it!

As far as dissecting the poem itself, the fifth line is missing a syllable, which throws the rhythm off. Something like "where rivers run through mountains" would fix that. The 16th line loses the meter with "excess", as does the last line with "residence". Other than that, I think the poem is very exact. You may want to choose different wording if you like but the structure and the flow of the lines are really brilliant. Nice work.

Balladeer
The catch on line 5 is a good one for sure but one of the words in question might have to do with where you're from and where I'm from. For my dictionary allows (excess) to be pronounced (EXcess or exCESS). (Residence) is out; the accent falls on the first syllable. But interestingly it can be pronounced two ways as well, with either 2 or 3 syllables. Maybe that's what was throwing me off. But the count was wrong as well for the tribrach. The change there in the line might have actually improved the depth of meaning in the poem as well. It has been an interesting adventure and I do want to thank you for all the help here. Like you say "We're all in this together." And I might add, "since the beginning of time." But I do like to joke around a bit. Many take it all too serious at times. I love it when some one can offer me something to use along with their two bits.

A poet friend
RH Peat

Here's where I'm at now.

Tearing At The Land

Peninsula from pebbles
interprets the unfinished
where ocean and involvement
succumb to the abrasions;
where rivers run through mountains
the prominence subsides with
a withering corrosion
that liquefies with silting.

In water and in tempest
topography entangles
the energy of pressure
to fracture and to shatter,
a knowingness in nature
that crumbles and unburdens,
demolishes the stony
complexities in ridges.

The elements in excess
awaken to continue
transcendence in the broken,
deliverance of tidal
realities refurbish
the earth in its rebuilding
of sediments through matter
with gravity’s attraction.

© RH Peat 4/28/2010 6:56pm
Form : Accentual syllabic meter
3 octets/ 24 lines
(Iamb, tribrach, trochee) trimeter.

RE: On Poetry 37 (More On Sound and Sense)

A TOAST TO HAPPINESS


So,
Aroused by wide-awakened chanticleer,
He who sounds coc-o-doodle-do.
Shall leg to boot a pot of brew,
Lest to toast not the day,
No tongue be strong to hum a song,
To stir and slur a roundelay.
They who would false happiness woo,
And sorrow to feed with sullen feet,
Tnen , lads, come drink it neat;
Today all honest men be free,
Not tomorrow to bend a knee. .

Hi, Professsor Kabbalistic.

How is this drinking song for sound and sense.
Your critique is welcome

Last edited by cousinsoren 05-08-2010 at 06:37:11 AM

RE: Take Your Literary Enema Like A Mensch! LOL

[quote="kabbalistic"]The next step in the natural progression of the poet's cycle of growth and development, would have to be the rather large step of exposing your poetry to the world; through posting on web sites such as this, submitting your work for publication, entering poetry contests, and of course, performing your work at open mic's and poetry slams. This is what seperates the chaff from the wheat! Exposing one's poetry to the public-at-large can be a harrowing experience, to be sure. In 2000, I submitted my best 15 poems to a poetry contest in NY, to a "distinguished panel" of 4 poets. The response I received six weeks later, discouraged me to the point that I was not able to craft poetry for another 10 years. Those sub amoebic troglodytes had gotten into my head so much that I doubted my ability to wipe my own ass without an instruction manual, let alone write literature! I clearly was NOT ready to face criticism from the world-at-large; however, that is what is required whenever you decide to share your poetry with the world. Next posting, let us examine valid, technical, positive criticism, as opposed to biased, personal, bullshit critism that is purely based on the critic's opinion of the poet and not on his/her poetry. Remember, poetry is HELL, and literary enemas are NOT PLEASANT! [/quo
##################################################################################################

Effective writing, Kabbalistic. I am greatly "sobered" by it. This is a sober statement................no bullshit! I wonder how many OP Poets read such valuable "hints" as this in order to examine and make themselves better

Last edited by cousinsoren 06-05-2010 at 08:13:27 PM

RE: New Posting (exposure is opening up to criticism)

Of course any written material put into the public eye is there to be scrutinized by the public at large. That should be understood beyond the mere writing of words. And one's craft will be scrutinized in great detail by many with real concerns for the craft of writing, form, presentation, language and deeper thought. Depending on how and where the forum exists, and who the readers are. "Automatic acceptance" is a joke that some people will never get. "if they write it, call it poetry, it is suppose to be totally accepted." We have to laugh at this concept. This is a fabrication of ones own knowing. It lacks real responsibilities toward craft or human understanding. The viewer's tastes are unlimited and they are part of the craft of writing. We write to have readers, or else why write.

But at the same time the skill of craftsmanship seeks to find new ways of presentation. There is always something new to be added to the already big bag of tricks and skills in the hands of writers. Especially when certain things are over done to the point of boredom. The point being NOT to be traditional or anti-tradional, but to become un-tradional. Which will take all the above to a place beyond the established fact by using the established fact and then more.

Like you say, language is basic; the characteristics of poetry are basic, music metaphor, & form; the use of rhythm within the language for the heightened awareness of poetry's music is basic. The figurative use of language is basic. A structure that fits the words is basic. So the prosody has to fit the poem and the poem its prosody; that is basic. Now that is where the inventiveness comes in. And I would never fault a writer for experimenting with it at all. But I might question whether it was working or not for the betterment of the presentation of the writing in question. That's good criticism which is also an art that is related to poetry.

The most important thing is to have fun while you're doing it. Never take it too serious. And if you don't like the ball game at one ballpark; take it to another. Don't be afraid to find your audience that might respond to what you like to write. For there might be someone out there that will see what is attempted within the writing. So find a field of concern that will allow you to grow.

a poet friend
RH Peat

Last edited by RHPeat 08-12-2010 at 06:36:35 PM

RE:

Hey kabbalistic - although I haven't posted here often, I read your posts. The School of Poetry - including your thread! - has been so beneficial to me. Please consider staying on. Your kindness in sharing all that you know is appreciated!!
kah

RE: I write therefore I am

Poets write for so many different reasons but A true poet does not write because he has to, or he wants to. A true poet writes because poetry is a part of who they are, to the very fiber of one's being. He doesn't write poetry, he lives it as the words of prose becomes the very blood of his life. Poetry in the motion of life, this is true poetry and the very core essence of what makes us poets. Sure some try to refine our skills, to develop a story, image, meaning to the reader, but in the most simplist sense, a poet writes because it is who they are, nothing more and nothing less...

True poetry

Poetry is not a rhyme,
Nor is it a reason,
Poetry is the very heart of our treason.
In the bleeding heart is where it all begins,
Never knowing to what end it sends,
A forgotten message in a bottle,
Perfect lives we love to model.
Yet Perfect dreams,
Are never what the seem,
True lies,
Loose ties,
False reality,
Dreams of heaven's falicy.
Poetry is the very window to our soul,
Yet such a truth takes its toll,
To open our heart's inner desires,
To breath the fire of fear,
Deadly lives we love to bare.
For as we scribe our words to be,
We open our naked universe for all to see,
In doing so we allow our fear to be set free.
Free to become a lonely whisper in the echo of the night,
Free to see the endless truth and the eternal light.

True poetry is not written word,
It is the living word of a poet's life...

Purity of the soul, journey well to all!!! with grace and humility ANGEL

RE: Origins

Words, language— exist because they communicate, thoughts, feelings, concepts and knowledge. Since the dawn of language poetry has existed. To think someone owns the language because it makes them who they are is absurd. Everyone owns language. It is everyone's right of language to have heighten awareness through the use of language; this is poetry. To think that some have, and other's don't, because of blood issues or soul issues, or core issues is bigotry of the mind and language. We don't exist by words alone. Take all the poems anyone has ever written and they wouldn't come close to that human existence as a personal identity. Poetry in the blood doesn't say anything to me. Poetry to the core is rubbish; if it doesn't move another human being, it is meaningless dribble.

Poetry is the written and spoken word that communicate to others; it is what keeps us from being isolated through common understanding. For it is the skill in the use of language that will move others in many different ways. Persuasion is the greatest weapon on earth. This is the poet's real tool.

So when language is senseless; it is senseless. When language up-lifts; it up-lifts. Poetry is heightened language that up-lifts a reader or listener. Poetry is always inclusive; it doesn't eliminate for sake of ego. Poetry like any true art form up-lifts all humanity rather than eliminating a few by being exclusive. Language is not owned by anyone. It happens all around us all day long. The true talent and gift of poetry is making someone into a listener weather it be through speech or written word. This is the skill of language. For poetry is not oral; it is aural. It is like music in that sense. It needs a listener, not a heart, not blood, not core, not skin but an ear. Poetry pleads for an ear with all its music, metaphor and form. Whatever you can bring to it as a skillful writer or speaker will empower its existence.

Double talk is meaningless dribble. Real communication is an intensive skill as a speaker or writer. It is really very simple and not complex at all. It is far more basic then being overdramatic. It is more honest than trying to be wordy. It is far more aware through experience than mere words written in a line. Complexity is not arrived at, by being wordy but by being skilled at not being redundant or boring by making hypersensitive remarks or endless rantings. The more direct and succinct the language: the more powerful the poetry will be. This means a real poet hones his craft just like a painter, sculptor, actor, musician, singer, cook, potter, etc. And it doesn't matter where the information comes from at all when it comes to honing one's craft. It comes from life itself, living each day like a poem. And that's what creates lifestyle. A poem might be the reflection of someone, but it is never a representation of someone. Life is far more than words and thats why it takes skill to communicate the listening to others in a believable way.

a poet friend
RH Peat

Last edited by RHPeat 08-04-2010 at 04:52:34 AM

The words of JFK, and me

The Poet continues the quite work of centuries,
building bridges of experience between peoples,
reminding man of the universality of their feelings,
and desires, and despairs, and reminding man
that the forces that unite are deeper than those that divide.

That is all I was trying to do, and still do on this site.
That is the divine force of the poet.
WS

RE:

News from Teacher Kabbal to his students, and fans

...no, I did not take my "toys" and "go home"! LOL It is a little disconcerting to me that there would be some poets who would wait until my departure to take cheap shots at me, especially since I don't know these particular poets, nor do they know me. No matter, I am "googleable"
(david a neves), and am looking at the possibility of continuing the discourses and teaching on youtube, blogradio, or both. I have even looked into the possibility of webinars...you may also email me...
stud-ly@hotmail.com and facebook as davidaneves, and
[url]http://www.youtube.com/user/studlydoright111[/url]

Last edited by WordSlinger 09-01-2010 at 11:56:36 PM