I lost him.
It was but a whisper of a dream that shook me to the very core.
I had loved after all.
He was my first true love.
He resonated with happiness and exuberance.
Laughter filled me when I was with him.
He reminded me so much of a child, so carefree, without a trouble in the world.
A child that I had been friends with for three years.
Only friends and nothing more, that was all that we could be.
I did not want to break the trust he had in me.
I kept silent my true desires of wanting to be more than friends.
Instead, I joked and frolicked with him along the road of life, until one day
he was gone.
I never told him how I truly felt.
It was an ending, yet within that breathtaking end came a raw new beginning. I never realized I had found love until today, years later after he had left.

That new beginning?
it was a raw beginning that filled me with despair deep down in my heart.
I never felt that despair up front.
I only felt sadness and a deep loss at losing a close friend.
He could have never been more than that.
But OH what hopelessness I feel now.
Sadness that I cannot express in mere words.

I lost him,
and
I did nothing to stop him.