Scared

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Poem Commentary

I'll tell you first off that this is not a peom. This is only a letter that I would have written to someone. I did love that person....or I thought I did. It was until he tortured me day and night that I realized he wasn't who I thought he was. These are the words I would say to him.

Scared

   I don't know if you're there. I don't know if you're reading this, but there are things you need to know. I have lived in fear for so long. Looking behind my back. You and you alone ruined my life. How could you say you loved me when no one has ever hurt me so much. I thought you hung the sun and moon and then all of a sudden you changed into this scary person out to attack me. I did have those feelings for you. I never lied to you. I never would have done anything that you did to me. I can never trust you again because I never would have thought that you would have done this to me to begin with. How can I invite you back into my life when I am almost certain you want me back in yours to hurt me again. It is because of what you have done that I cannot and will not let you in my life.
  I've never had the fear that I've had when I would get fake request from you, messages, and texts...nothing will ever compare to that. I hope no one ever has to experience that. I didn't even want to live because of that fear. You don't have to be jealous because I will never trust a man again. Never...
  So this must be your closure. I do not hate you. I do not wish any harm to you. I hope that you will be happy. You just will not be happy with me. So...if your reading this I think you're a great person. I think you love and love with your whole heart. My only request is that you please do not do this to anyone ever again. To you.....goodbye.....

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Philius commented on Scared

04-09-2010

I am sorry to defy my statement the other day, but I saw this and had to make one comment. You are right. I did change. To be honest, I changed because December 09' was the most traumatic month of my entire life. If you think you lived in constant fear I guess you should been me, lying on cold sleeping bags finding out at 4 am that Jacob was 'in a relationship' and 'watching his baby' over the internet. I loved you then more than anything. We followed love-filled nights of 'i love you's with nights of twisted pain and jealousy and panic. You are a great person, I truly believe this. My poem was true and I stand by every letter. I know you will never trust me again, but I wanted to show you that I had enough courage you humiliate myself in front of you and your friends, to show you my true feelings and that there was something lasting in what we shared. I've gotten rid of my accounts, and I admit that I had a hard time letting go; I was shameful about how I handled everything. I don't think you realize how close I was to killing myself when you called me a 'friend' or that you never loved me. It kills me to know that you'll speak to Jacob and even talk to him about me but never again utter a single letter to me. Or that you are probably showing all of your friends what I have posted, letting them to laugh at and insult me, as I fear they will and have. So I respect your decision not to trust me, and I have no intent of contacting you on FB/AIM/Yahoo or whatever. I've deleted, blocked or erased all of those ties. But I had to respond to this, just as you had to post it. You are a great woman, and I hope you never let my words from before go. They were true and I loved you. you can at least forgive me for what happened someday in the future when you have recovered. For now, goodbye. Do with this comment what you will. I just wanted to say I respect your feelings, but I know deep down I have the right to have mine, and I think you know that, too.

FranzJ commented on Scared

04-08-2010

it apperars that you did the right thing in ending the relationship - having 3 daughters myself I have an idea of what you went thru - you have the rest of your life to find true love - good luck

englandsbf

04/08/2010

Thank you so much. I really appreciate that. I really had a hard time with letting go.....but in the end....i know it was what was best. Thank you SO much again!!

Poetry is not an expression of the party line. It's that time of night, lying in bed, thinking what you really think, making the private world public, that's what the poet does.

Allen Ginsberg (1926-1997) U.S. poet.

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