Sense I have been gone...............
Sense I have been gone...............
I have missed so much. I have missed my niece being born...she is scared of me know....I missed so many birthdays its to many to count...I have missed my friends and family so much it hurts. Missed a good friends funereal, that was hard....
I have seen training that pushes most to the edge, and some over. I have seen Sights most will never see. I have seen blood, some times a little, some times a lot…some times mine, some times theirs. People dying and people who have been dead a wile. I have seen grown men sob uncontrollably like children. I have seen the looks on so many faces of so many people whom I will never really know. I have seen enough of the color yellow to last me for two life times……
I have felt my self grow cold so as not to feel thinking it might be easier to deal with things going on around me, so I could be the strong one and hold every one together. I have felt the salt of the ocean slap me in the face, and the sand of the desert in my eyes. I have felt extreme heat and extreme cold. I felt the ground shake under my feet from explosions incoming and the quite chill that creeps over you as you take that ride out side the wire. But what gets me the most is I felt my heart thaw and emotions creep back in.
I thought It might be a good thing..........I think I thought wrong.....
Don't like the confusion that it has caused...or the nights wasted lying in the dark thinking... sorting.....all in vain covering no more ground than where I was when I started..........
Sense I have been gone I have missed, seen, and felt more than I have ever wanted to. Are the sacrifices I make to do what I do really worth it all?….. I cant tell any more........I just want to crawl back in to a cave and never come out again, never show ME again, just show my shell....go threw the motions…...Can I do that?
No..I cant...............but why?......
My heart wont let me. Wont let me do it again....so what do I do........I face the world and its hurdles.. ..overcome adversities…..and achieve high standards under high stress. I come out on top even when it seems I'm stuck on the bottom......
With Gods help........THATS WHAT I DO.......
I have missed so much. I have missed my niece being born...she is scared of me know....I missed so many birthdays its to many to count...I have missed my friends and family so much it hurts. Missed a good friends funereal, that was hard....
I have seen training that pushes most to the edge, and some over. I have seen Sights most will never see. I have seen blood, some times a little, some times a lot…some times mine, some times theirs. People dying and people who have been dead a wile. I have seen grown men sob uncontrollably like children. I have seen the looks on so many faces of so many people whom I will never really know. I have seen enough of the color yellow to last me for two life times……
I have felt my self grow cold so as not to feel thinking it might be easier to deal with things going on around me, so I could be the strong one and hold every one together. I have felt the salt of the ocean slap me in the face, and the sand of the desert in my eyes. I have felt extreme heat and extreme cold. I felt the ground shake under my feet from explosions incoming and the quite chill that creeps over you as you take that ride out side the wire. But what gets me the most is I felt my heart thaw and emotions creep back in.
I thought It might be a good thing..........I think I thought wrong.....
Don't like the confusion that it has caused...or the nights wasted lying in the dark thinking... sorting.....all in vain covering no more ground than where I was when I started..........
Sense I have been gone I have missed, seen, and felt more than I have ever wanted to. Are the sacrifices I make to do what I do really worth it all?….. I cant tell any more........I just want to crawl back in to a cave and never come out again, never show ME again, just show my shell....go threw the motions…...Can I do that?
No..I cant...............but why?......
My heart wont let me. Wont let me do it again....so what do I do........I face the world and its hurdles.. ..overcome adversities…..and achieve high standards under high stress. I come out on top even when it seems I'm stuck on the bottom......
With Gods help........THATS WHAT I DO.......
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