The Magpie heckelith no more

It was a night,
Both dark and dreary,
As I sat alone,
All tired and weary,
With thoughts of making a homemade bomb,
with a nuclear core.
As I sat there in my trappings,
There came a sudden tapping,
As if someone gently rapping,
Rapping upon my front stoop door.

Have my thoughts betrayed me?
I whispered, sopping up my gravy,
Could that be Mr Landlord?
Who will be sore,
Rapping upon my front stoop door?
No, 'tis the wind, and nothing more,
but there continued gentle rapping
And still there was a tapping,
A gentle, sullen rapping, rapping on my front stoop door.

Standing up and leaving my dinner
I grabbed hold of my heavy andiron
And stalked my front stoop door.

"Oh Mr landlord? I implore,
If that is you without my door,
Know that I am truly poor
For quite frankly you will be very sore
And I grow tired of your whaling
saying "you can't live here no mo'"
But still came the tapping,
The gentle, sullen rapping,
tapping and a rapping on my front stoop door.

I put down my heavy iron,
For the tappin grew annoyin
And prepared to knee his groin
If it were my mr Landlord
Who would be sore
rapping, tapping upon my front stoop door.

I opened the door,
And to my suprise,
A Magpie flew past my eyes,
And perched upon a statue,
Of Marilyn Manson
I just happen to keep above my front stoop door.

"Ha!" I laughed
"'Twas a Magpie nothing more,
That was rapping,
A'rapping upon my front stoop door,
And not the silly landlord
I tried to ignore.
It is seeking shelter,
From this night both dark and dreary
And is tired as I am weary,
Let the little fellow rest,
Upon the head,
Of the statue of Marilyn Manson
I just happen to keep above my front stoop door.

And to be sweet,
I offered it a treat,
But Heckled the Magpie:
"Stick it up your ass, you two bit whore

I was shocked for sure,
For I did not know that Magpies swore,
And I retreated to my chair once more,
To thoughts of Mr Landlord
who would evict me for sure,
But quoth the Magpie,
"Stick it up your ass, you two bit whore

"Ooh you!" I shouted as I munched pork crackling,
"Did I not let you in when you were rapping,
Rapping on my front stoop door?
The night is dark and dreary,
And we both are tired and weary,
A cessation of this swearing I implore,
And let my thoughts return to Mr Landlord
who would toss me out for sure
But heckled the Magpie:
"Stick it up your ass, you two bit whore.

"Aaaaaaaargh!" I screamed at the little devil,
This reminds me of Cousin Kneival
Who I recall was driven quite mental,
By practices both Satanic and Dental.
"I'll wring your neck with my bare hands,
I'll kill you where you now do stand,
Upon the head of a statue of Marilyn Manson
I just happen to keep above my front stoop door,
And those words you shall speak nevermore!"

But as I ascended my front stoop door,
I lost my grip and I did fall,
To land and bump my head on the floor,
And the last thing I saw,
Was the Magpie still sitting above my front stoop door,
And quoth the Magpie,
"Stick that up your ass, you two bit whore.

Now on nights both dark and dreary,
Even if I'm tired and weary,
My thoughts no longer turn to Mr Landlord
because we bartered services for sure,
But to the Magpie
Who still sits stuffed, upon the head of a statue of Marilyn Manson,
I just happen to keep above my front stoop door.