This is love!

You blow me false kisses

Behind words hurled in anger

Connecting to my psyche like a fist and pushing it against my skull

You smile seductively while making my bed of broken glass

and ask me to accept the pain as pleasure

Your words ring hollow and out of key so badly

you cover your own ears so you don’t have to hear

the daggers of hatred disguised as phrases flying past your ears

yet aimed at my head

You take my kindness and use it as your protection

and give me nothing in return to cover myself from

the bitter cold that surrounds me

My tears run down the inside of me like condensation

on your glass of brandy and ice because it hurts to damn bad to cry on the outside and let you see any more of my pain

As you plan my demise I laugh behind your back

Knowing the grave you dig for me is where you will reside

You rubbing against me with the stench of your insecurity

only serves to make my rough edges smooth

and my aura gleam like diamonds

and this is why you hate me

through the turmoil raging like rivers

and the mountains you pull down to bury me under

I raise my hand and say STOP!

and the universe bows down to acquiesce

because I am love

in your attempts to break me down

you build me up

through the grey haze of our life together I see the horizon crimson and indigo

and I know one day it won’t be like this

you read to me daily from books of unspoken criticism

but it only allows me to see more clearly how much I deserve better

and how you really couldn’t love me anyway because the concept is foreign to your comprehension

you push me away in an attempt to draw me closer but

but the freedom of being out of your gaze is more intoxicating

than the fantasy world I created to live in with you

since reality was like committing suicide and somewhere

deep down I know I love myself more than I love you

I allowed you to visit my heart of hearts and you moved right in,

pulled up a chair, poured yourself a drink and put your feet up on my feelings

used my body as an easy chair and lived the easy life as I carried the world on my shoulders but you can stay here as long as you wish

and live with the echoes of blame and loud voices and slamming doors

because I have created a home for myself built on kindness and shared respect and loving sacrifices,

I have decorated it with endless love and tears of joy

The air is sweet with harmony in this place

God lives here

and I walk barefoot and spin circles until I fall down dizzy laughing

and to my surprise I hear distant laughter in the distance

and a heart that beats to the rhythm of my own

His arms are open and in them

is a bouquet of his all blooming and new as a gift

he places all of the unnecessary things outside the doorways

I made out of rainbows and throws open the curtains of doubt to let in the light

he whispers I am sent from I AM and sweeps his dark hand towards the window

I look out upon the green hill tops and for a second realize I can barely

make out your form and I know it is because I never really knew you

never had the love you promised the was mine, promises never kept aren’t promises at all and I cannot truly yearn for the loss of that which never existed but in my mind

so as easily as you dismiss me like unimportance

minimize my feelings to something less than a whisper

I am not just leaving I am already gone

and as you scramble to formulate lies to cover my searing pain like a band aid of I don’t cares

I turn my back on the sight of you

On the pain, on the fear, on the chaos, on the destruction of the temple of falsehood you built for me to worship you

I turn my face with a smile to him

and hold out my hands to the one who’s name is for me

and together we spin dizzy circles becoming one blur of black and golden

his kisses make me drunk with wholeness

and his hands offer not just protection but support

his voice speaks a multitude of truth and choirs of angels celebrate

our union,

and the laughter dies and hands are held, covenants are made and signed in love with the Lords approval

I look up at him as joy rains down like moonlight and falling stars and I think…this is love!