When I Think of You

When I think of you
My chest hurts
I get heartburn
My gag reflex goes on high alert
I fuckin hurt

When I think of you
I remember
When my cries went unheard

When I think of you
Millions of thoughts race through my mind
Thousands of scenes race behind my closed eyes
Different ways I could've done this
Could've done that
Different ways I'm able to take it all back

I thought faces were supposed to eventually fade
But yours won't
No matter how many showers I take
No matter how many times
my stomach tries to wrench the image of you into my toilet bowl
My body still revolts

When I think of you
I swear there's ice water rushing through my veins
When I think of you
I feel physical pain

When I think of you
I have to remind myself to breathe
When I think of you
I lose another part of me

When I think of you
When I think of you
and how you went right through me