crave

2 Comments

Tags:
  • Love
    • ,
  • Passion
    • ,
  • Angst
    • ,
  • Poetry
    • ,
  • Yearning

    Poem Commentary

    yearning desperately for that one person intensely desired

    crave

    lust in vein

    dependent

    desire

    you are syringe

    sublime in

    empty hours

     

    cold sweat shakes

    my eyes                    hands

                   hips                 feet

    addicted soul love

     

    need you

                    like first-rush heroin

    tongue thirsts

                    needle starved

     

    desperate solace

    of relief

    pierce me again

    i lose myself 

    in habit 

    your pulse as mine

     

    Poem Comments

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    dahlusion commented on crave

    04-18-2013

    I love the content, and the format ... well ... I can't see where or how it adds to the poem. As a poem, it's well composed and laced with solid diction and imagery. Bravo!
    Reply to Comment

    tmcdermott

    04/19/2013

    yeah, i agree with the format issue. i play around with formatting too much, oft to the detriment of the poem. many thanks for your comments

    MootPoint commented on crave

    04-16-2013

    I like this. I just wish it had more format to how to read it. This is another way to format it, but I don't know how you would intend the reader to read it. Traveling through my veins Lust dependency desire you are my syringe sublime in empty hours cold sweat My eyes, hands, hips and feet shake. My addicted soul needs you as a first-rush of heroin tongue thirsts needle starved desperate for solace piercing me again I lose myself in habit your pulse as mine
    Reply to Comment

    tmcdermott

    04/18/2013

    Thanks for the comments. Interesting that you mention format as I struggled to get a format working in this forum. I would be interested in your suggestions about how you think the formatting could be improved. Thanks again

    Poetry is not an expression of the party line. It's that time of night, lying in bed, thinking what you really think, making the private world public, that's what the poet does.

    Allen Ginsberg (1926-1997) U.S. poet.

    tmcdermott’s Poems (5)

    Title Comments Submitted
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    4 a.m. 1 04/19/2013
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    crave 2 04/02/2013
    shifts of you 0 04/02/2013
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