I Cry

1 Comments

Tags:
  • Sadness

    I Cry
    I cry because you left me
    I cry because your here,
    I cry because you said we would last
    I cry for the past,
    I cry because you can not see
    Just what it is you have done to me,
    I cry because I can't see you
    I cry because you said we're through,
    I cry because I miss you
    And you don't know,
    Just what you left
    With that last strong "blow".
    Now I must stand strong
    Because I know that I do belong,
    And I have your little one
    Who will need someone to hold on,
    And I dedicate to you that I don't
    Think we are truly through,
    But instead that we have
    But only barely just begun.

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    TDrakeTerry commented on I Cry

    02-19-2009

    "I cry because you can not see Just what it is you have done to me," I really liked these lines--the rhythm and the rhyme really work there. Overall, I can tell that this is a poem of real feeling. The images and phrases are effective. But it also could use some polish. Grammatically, in line 2 "your" should be "you're," and in line 5 "can not" should be one word, not two. Stylistically, I think the lack of regular rhythm and rhyme detracts from the rhymes that you do use. Sometimes, I want
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    The true philosopher and the true poet are one, and a beauty, which is truth, and a truth, which is beauty, is the aim of both.

    Ralph Waldo Emerson, American Poet (1803-1882)

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