What seemed just days have turned to years, and still I play this game. You think my life is different, to me it hasn't changed. I can't believe my anger and how I lose control. Like someone else inside me that lets me watch the show. I know what he is thinking and he wants you all to pay. For how he felt when you turned your backs, and all the things you say. Even after all I've done how quickly you forget. You are all the reason that I have nothing left. The anger. It's just like the last time. I should have never let you in. No-one can be trusted and no-one is a friend. I thought this time was different, but it's an all time low. I always have to leave when I have nowhere else to go. Now all I have is anger and here it comes again. Always using hatred to take the place of friends.
There has to be a turning point. Something has to give. I can't keep doing what I'm doing. This ain't no way to live. It's like everyone is out to get me. My life is so unfair. So many things have happened and now I just don't care. I know it's not my fault. There's someone else to blame. It doesn't mean I'm guilty because you all feel the same. In my mind there is a place that I keep coming back. I don't know why or what it means but it tells me I'm off track. I don't know what to do or how much I can take. One thing I know for sure, if I don't bend this time I'll break. My future, my life and where I go from here. Hanging in the balance of a Judge and all his peers. The past, my voice, that speaks so load and clear. Tells them all just who I am as only they can hear.
Everything I've ever thought and all that I believed. Is crashing down around me and I feel so deceived. Right here and now is the time. I have a choice to make. This is one decision that I can't afford to fake. What happens to me next for as long as I may live. Will all be decided by a willingness to give. I must be who I have never been and do what I have never done. To stop this crazy circle and fight a war so few have won. I know inside I'm a better man than anyone has seen. I don't need drugs to prove a point that can be proven clean.
Now the people are all used up and all the bridges burned. I have to start all over and forget what I have learned. Everything I do from here will be my very first. I blindly do what I guess is right and hope I've seen the worst. Robert A. Penfield