shaterd and dead

3 Comments

shaterd and dead

a girl with her heart shaterd and dead
lye's down in her blood stained bed.
she is so cold and pail
i wish her heart didn't fail.
as the blood drips down from the blade
her voice starts to faid.
i watch the blood fall on the floor
from behind the bedroom door.
i try to help her but i can not
she looks at me and doesn't say allot.
i could feel my heart shatter and break
i wish this feeling was fake.
i opened the door and fell on the blood stained bed
i looked at her and thought she was dead.
she opened her eyes and moved closer to me
  and says soon we'll be free.
i watch her as her life starts to faid
and as the blood drips down from the blade.

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heavenlymayday commented on shaterd and dead

09-07-2009

Not bad, has a flow to it. All I would say is perhaps check the spelling, it's a little distracting trying to decipher what is being said if you're not 100% sure what a word is. Keep writing!

teasasue commented on shaterd and dead

09-07-2009

wow that is a very powerful poem, thanks for sharing

ARForsgren commented on shaterd and dead

08-17-2009

Keep writing. I see you figuring out rhyme. You probably scare the adults in your life. What youneed to do is read the great works...I recomend William Blake, and Samuel Taylor Colridge. A.

Poetry is finer and more philosophical than history; for poetry expresses the universal, and history only the particular.

Aristotle (384 BC-322 BC) Greek philosopher.

xXVampireKingXx’s Poems (2)

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