To feel or not to feel that is my question.. I try and not to feel my everyday pain and hopeleness, it is hard, extremely hard to try and ignore it-but when all the doors in front and around you are closed and locked, you are stuck, it is like solitary confinement, that I have been held in, placed myself into. I have no keys to unlock these doors. I am beginning to feel the air grow thinner, and finally began to FEEL instead of IGNORE-but the feelings are overwhelming once I truly let them seep into the depths of my skin and into my mind. I feel NOW- and it is as if i have Nothing! I am a lost soul just walking this world slowly, as the days drag on, so redundent that I could tell you step by step what will happen in my life tomorrow. Who ever knew i would feel so unimportant and so lonely that I could do such a thing everyday? It may sound pathetic and most likely unrealistic but truth be told this is how I do so. As I began to open up and share these built up feelings with myself, I can feel my pulse flutter, my hands clench tightly and began to sweat, I am forever in this unforgiving body and mind, I would love to stop these emotions but they are like tears that start to flow when someone near to your heart has been killed, almost uncontrollable, no, wait- completely uncontrollable. Unhealthy for me to bottle these overwhelming emotions but literally gut wrenching to open up and face them when I have no where to turn, no UNDERGROUND RAILROAD to set me FREE. Maybe this is just the way I am, and will regretfully this will remain me.