6 AM
and the ring rang
electronic clang
bangs crashes and bashes into
my dreamy skull.

"hello... Hello... HELLO?"
not too late I hope.
My heart is thumping, pumping, dumming
thrumming and bumbling.
My blood is pulsing, racing, thrashing through
arteries and veins.

And a knot is stuck
some where between ribs and lungs
stomach and throat cause
no one calls me at
6AM
unless...

NO.

take a breath
try to relax
breath and let the panic attack
fade
into the light of a new day

cause its just you
calling to me
in your sweet familiar voice
to say...

you love me?

At 6AM
from Afghanistan?

and I know then
it begins again.

You are "going out to play"
at 8am in Afghanistan.

So I'll sit here and wait
all day
I'll cean the clothes
the dishes, the cups, the plates,
I'll change the diapers
and I'll put the toys away

I'll read a book
I'll make breakfast
I'll make lunch
I'll make supper
then take a peak at the news
just a short look

Throughout the day
with my hands I go through the motions
In my mind I am paralyzed by the commotion
of emotions
and terror.

Will there be footsteps at my door
by men in uniform
from a big dark fancy car
Just come to destroy
my world?

Or will you
make it through,
pushing, struggling, stumbling, rumbling,
tummbling, and fumbling
with the phone
to say
"I'm Ok"
even though you
"went out to play"
at 8AM
in Afghanistan.