Beautiful Blond Poetess

Recently
I wandered into a bad part of town
Where a group of shiny bright white lights were holding a poker game in the shell of a burned-out tahini raincoat
And after losing all of my money to the shiny bright white lights
I wandered into a cafe where
On a small stage in the back
A band called Cutlery On Prozac were doing their big hit
"Stairway To Prozac"
And after grooving on that tune for awhile
I wandered into the men's room
And did heroin with an apologetic homoerotic grizzly bear who laughed at everything I said
I awoke the next morning to find the beautiful blond poetess I loved standing over my futon
She emanated a shiny bright white light
Which took the form of a small child
Who gave me a cigarette
I set my dest on fire
And was about to light up
When my willpower sent over one of its thugs
Who tried to intimidate me
But instead tripped over one of the Janis Joplin commemorative Southern Comfort bottles which litter the floor of my apartment
So I smoked
And this sent me into a downward spiral
I became obsessed with small dark spaces
I bathed in thirty-weight oil
I took my dry-cleaning to a psychic
I spent the first birthday I've had in years alone
Cops began making appointments to arrest me
The internet crashed my rent party
My ex-suntan made long-distance phone calls to disease-ridden prostitutes and charged them to my phone
And suddenly
Everyone became better than me
Finally
A couple of pock-marked brain cells invited me to an underground parking garage in the Sudan to smoke some weed
I opted instead for a solitary walk along a quiet beach
Where I once again came upon the beautiful blond poetess I loved
She was drawing pictures of old boyfriends in the sand
And crying
I knelt beside her
And took her in my arms
Above us
Seagulls formed a string quartet and played sweetly
Pollution took the day off
Fevers broke
Congressmen pinched their own asses
And
For just a moment
No one
Anywhere
Used the phrase
"Why don't you come back where you came from"