Standing upon a lonely desert hill
lost somewhere in the imagination of time.
I gaze upon my desolate surroundings,
the only living thing for miles.
I turn in a full circle,
seeing nothing but sand
stretching as far as the eye can see.
The sun is blistering hot,
creating waves on the sand,
making it seem like an ocean instead
of a desert.
Not even a bird flies over this barren
wasteland.
Not even a breeze desturbs the rolling
dunes.
I look up at the too blue sky,
blinded by the over vibrant colors
that mark this strange wasteland
of the subconsious.
I close my eyes and breath in
the sultry heat.
The utter loneliness of this place
brings a single tear to my face,
long have I fought against the
loneliness within myself.
And now I find I can no longer
hold back the ache,
and a single tear trails down my cheek
and falls to the barren land beneath my feet.
From no where, a gentle breeze caress's
my body.
As more tears fall to the ground,
the breeze strengthens, warm and moist.
Life is in that wind.
Storm clouds,
dark and grey,
heavy with rain roll in.
Lightening flashes across a
suddenly ominous sky,
the low rumbling of thunder is heard
as it rolls across the desert of my mind.
The wind picks up and a drop of rain touches my face.
I look out in the distance in awe,
coming right for me is a solid wall of
rain soaking the barren desert.
It sweeps past me, drenching me in seconds
I turn and watch it go.
Everything is soaked,
I turn to look behind me
and gasp in wonder.
For behind that raging storm,
as the clouds break and the sunlight once
again touches the barren wasteland.
I see that it is barren no longer.
For behind me,
and now all around me,
beneath my feet and over my head.
Is life.
Green and lush,
grass and trees, plants of every size
shape and color.
Animals of every species.
A barren mind now brimming with life.
I hear the animals talk to each other
over my head birds soar.
Once again tears spring to my eyes
and fall unchecked upon my cheeks.
No longer do I feel that acheing loneliness,
no longer do I cry out and nothing is there to
hear me.
All around me is the wonder of life,
in this barren desert now turned to
thriving rainforest.
The dam is burst, I can no longer hold
back the flood,
and I let it wash thru me,
cleansing me of all before it,
leaving me fresh and new.
I feel no fear, no anger, no hate in
this place.
Only acceptence, at long last
acceptence.
Not from anyone, but from me.
Acceptance of self.
And in this place,
in this jungle I have created with my own
tears.
I meet myself,
I see me as I am.
And I like what I see.
So I wander the pathways thru this
tangled jungle and think my thoughts
and live my life, at peace at last,
with who I am becoming.
I find a spot next to a pool
with a beautiful waterfall
and let my mind wander as it will.
And within the current of that waterfall,
I see the images of memories long stored,
faces I have seen, places I have been,
people I have known. All right there
in that falling rush of water.
And I finally realize,
that time and memory are like water,
every changing yet ever the same,
the only thing that changes, is me.
The water fall shows me all my joys,
all my sorrows,
all my victories,
and all my failures.
It shows me my loves,
and my hate.
It shows me all the choices
good and bad I have
ever made.
This waterfall is me,
the ever changing course of
who I am becoming,
within it is all that makes
me who I am,
and deep within that pool,
still beyond my sight, but there waiting
deep below the surface.
Is the person I will one day become,
and for the first time in my life,
the idea of who that might be,
does not frighten me,
as much as it excites me.
I smile again at the
acceptance I feel
and lay back,
content to let time do it's work.
Let whatever may come
come.
I am ready.