Sometimes i feel like dying
It’s an ache with in my veins
A yearning in my pulse
I long to feel the blade
Bite my flesh
Crimson stream
Flowing over earth colored skin
I feel every thing and nothing
I hate so deeply
Fallen so far
Gone so far
From where i started
How did i get here?
Why do i hate you?
You make me cringe
I must love you
Yet i hate you

I have had this pain for so long
How do i brake free?
I have woken every day of my life
To the sound of my shame
No love where i trod
Dragged out in the dead of night
To make the mess right
Yet it’s not mine
Sleepless nights and endless days
Of ill spoken words
Trusts betrayed

Never any hugs
Never heard
I’m always last
When will i matter?
When will they see?
When the blood stains their perfect white hands?

I have tried to be so good
Never any addictions
Turned from drugs and alcohol
Gave me life to god only to be forgotten
Falling into darkness
How can it be so wrong?

Needing the pain, the burning in my veins
The endless craving of the blade
That bites down my skin
Such a sweet crimson release

I want others to know
I want some one to hold me
Some to comfort
For once in my life
I want to hear some one
Say it’s all right
Not your fault
You did well
But in the end
False friends look back at me
Family turn their heads
Why can’t they see?
In the end it’s only me
I have no out

I find a small peace in my son only
To have him ripped away
Saying I'm no good of a mother
Yet he looks at smiles and me
I see what he can be
Will i be as heartless as my own?
Perhaps i should remove myself
So he can have a better life
For I am so ruined
I fear i will break my son
As i once was

There is no love
No such thing
I lived a life of solitude
I’ve lived a life in pain

And when i reached out
I found nothing but emptiness
Nothing but an abyss

I fell again and again
Only to wind up back here
An angle with broken wings
For I have fallen from grace