RE: Limericks

Rather than answer the phone
I prefer to sit there and moan
as my relatives chant
and old girlfriends rant
I understand why I still live alone

RE: Limericks

Boy, Herron has stunk up the place
Now he'll have to deal with Grace
She saw it coming
And started running
But ended up losing the race.

RE: Limericks / Limericks are back! I LOVE LIMERICKS

LIMERICKS are back! I Love Limericks !

This salacious one was engraved on a stone beside a main road ,in St. Thomas, Jamaica. I am not certain it is still there, I plan to inquire.
It is down -to- earth and very explicit..................LOL


There was a girl named Mary.
Who would not fart you see;
Let fart be free
Where e'er you be
Lack of fart killed Mary Lee.

Last edited by cousinsoren 10-27-2010 at 09:44:34 AM

RE: Re: Limericks

Quote:

Originally Posted by JadedJezzabel

THERE IS A YOUNG TRAMP NAMED KERRI
WHO'S HOOOHAAA IS NOT VERY HAIRY
SHE LIES AND SHE STEALS
TO PAY FOR HER MEALS
AND THE SORES ON HER FACE ARE REAL SCARY

RE: Re: Limericks

Quote:

Originally Posted by JadedJezzabel

ok here we go.......

There was a young man from the hood
Who swore that he had lots of wood
So he bragged and he boasted
Till she came by to roast it
And he knew he was misunderstood

how was that......

Jadedf ! Ah-ah!

Last edited by cousinsoren 10-27-2010 at 09:35:20 AM

RE: Re: Limericks

Last edited by cousinsoren 10-27-2010 at 09:41:36 AM

RE: Re: Limericks

Quote:

Originally Posted by BadBadBear

There's a voluptuous lady from Nevada
Works the red light district in Vegas
Seductively she swishes to and fro
Indiscreetly observing all the John's
Bumping uglies is her goal
[/quo

[b]Yeah, I like it, BBB! [/b]







******************************************************************************************************
There was a lady from Merryvale
Woh! there she met Big Bad Bear,
Who knew how to hump it.
She was a strumpet fair
Who always loved to pump it. ::\


:coolhm::

RE: Limericks

There was a lady from Merryvale
Woh! there she met Big Bad Bear,
Who knew how to hump it.
She was a strumpet fair
Who always loved to pump it. ::

Last edited by cousinsoren 10-27-2010 at 10:31:59 AM

Quote

Flag Post

RE: Limericks

there once was an ol' crybaby whiner from texas
he suggested what could be written where, for us
his mother dressed him funny, he'll get no cigar
perhaps his twisted head was ran over by a car
OP poets gagged him and punched his ticket for the looney bus

Last edited by BadBadBear 10-27-2010 at 03:57:22 PM

RE: Limericks

There once lived a bear in Jamaica
who said to all betters, “I’ll take ya,’
I know I’m a winner,
In truth, I'm no sinner,
you all know a bear is no cheetah."

Last edited by Aria 10-28-2010 at 02:24:37 AM

RE: Limericks

Whore from the Jersey Shore

There was a whore from the Jersey shore
who found pumping and thrusting a bore
She took to horse ridin'
Ass slippin and slidin'
She's back to whoring and not as sore.

RE: Limericks

Give me limerick, or give me a BBQ'ed rib....

There once was an ostrich with shoes
Who thought he could sing the blues
Bewildered and bent
He sang with such vent
But now lives in Cousins live zoo…

That was a chetah'ing, Ari.....

RE: Re: Limericks

love this one of yours, George, How about this one, an actual incident, My village drunk, when I was a boy, stood by the dripping standpipe,of the village, one New Year's Eve night, with his fly open for several hours,until someone rescued him. .He complained that he was pissing ,and couldn't stop.

There was a drunk of Alley
With liquId was really pally,
By a stand pipe
He pissed all night
He pissed and pissed and couldn't stop.

Last edited by cousinsoren 10-28-2010 at 08:12:56 AM

RE: RE: Limericks

Irie! Goh deh, Aria.! Gosh! Cool runnin's, Sista! Jah! ...................................


There was a Bear of Jamaica
Who knew well his obeah;
To get a girl
He had to run
Away her man with rum and water..

Last edited by cousinsoren 10-28-2010 at 03:42:25 AM

RE: RE: Limericks

Aria,

All the cheating men in Jamaica, will adore you for this. compliment to them.
I can't speak for non-cheating men............

Last edited by cousinsoren 10-28-2010 at 04:08:53 AM

RE: Limericks

How about this one, an actual incident, My village drunk, when I was a boy, stood by the dripping standpipe,of the village, one New Year's Eve night, with his fly open for several hours,until someone rescued him. .He complained that he was pissing ,and couldn't stop.

There was a drunk of Alley
With liquid was really pally,
By a stand pipe
He pissed all night
He pissed and pissed and couldn't stop

Last edited by cousinsoren 10-28-2010 at 08:16:57 AM

RE: RE: Limericks

love this one of yours, George. In my zoo, I have all types of creatures ... Thank You for noticing, .......:::::
The cheating men of Jamaica will take Aria's limerick as a compliment. I can't swear for the non-cheating Jamaican men........

Last edited by cousinsoren 10-28-2010 at 04:13:12 AM

RE: Re: Limericks

Quote:

Originally Posted by HarverTomsson

I've written a few, but none likely to create for me immortality:

In a seaport along the south coast
There’s a dive where fishermen boast
And the whoppers they tell
O’er their ale and fish smell
It’s hard to say what stinks the most.

__________________________________________________________

I love this one by Harver Tomsson. It is near to my heart. I used to live and work near the sea, at beautiful Robin's Bay, a fishing village in Jamaica.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

How about this one????

They tickle my funny bone
So well with lies fishers hone
Of monster fish,
Dong six feet long,
Bigger and thicker than my fist..

Last edited by cousinsoren 10-30-2010 at 09:33:33 PM

RE: Limericks

I've been away from this forum for wwwaaaaayyyyyyyyy too long!

A cowgirl while riding through Dallas
Claimed she’d raised quite a callous
From herding her cattle
And long nights in the saddle
Seems her saddlehorn made a great phallus

RE: Limericks

Seen on the wall of a Jamaican Rum Bar, in a village square.

In heaven there's no beer,
We got to drink it here
Cold Beer Good Beer
Refreshing Beer!
We got to drink it here!

Last edited by cousinsoren 10-28-2010 at 11:39:16 AM

RE: RE: Limericks

dear mr. cousins ...

this prayer you mention ... "the Hail Mary" ... besides being quoted incorrectly ... is not acknowledged at as a limerick ...

--luna

RE: RE: RE: RE: Limericks

I accept.

Thank you, Mr. Cousins ...

My best, Luna

*************************************************

RE: Limericks

This is not one of my originals, but a cute tongue-twister from many years ago:

A Tudor who tutored the flute
Tried to tutor two Tudors to toot
Said the two to the Tudor
Is it tougher to toot or
To tutor two Tudors to toot?

RE: RE: Limericks

Quote:

Originally Posted by Londo

This is not one of my originals, but a cute tongue-twister from many years ago:

A Tudor who tutored the flute
Tried to tutor two Tudors to toot
Said the two to the Tudor
Is it tougher to toot or
To tutor two Tudors to toot?

RE: RE: Limericks

Come on Bear, I've seen better limericks on washroom walls.

Once there was a poetic bear
Who thought he was OP’s heir
He sat on his throne
Giving out a big moan
And ended up alone in his lair

Quote:

Originally Posted by BadBadBear

there once was an ol' crybaby whiner from texas
he suggested what could be written where, for us
his mother dressed him funny, he'll get no cigar
perhaps his twisted head was ran over by a car
OP poets gagged him and punched his ticket for the looney bus