From the beginning...I knew you were the one.
God gave me eyes with special vision for you.
Ones that could see deep inside and find your true self-a beautiful
heart that desired to love, give and receive,
but as well a heart that was hurting from too many years
of torment and deprive.

Since the beginning I have seen your true colors, experienced
the joy of your selfless acts, and have gotten to
treasure so many moments we've shared, just to come
to realize you're scared.

There was a time when we were best friends.
We could talk, laugh and share each others dreams.
We used to be on the same page looking forward to the
next chapter, then somehow you decided you didn't know
what you were after.

I've waited so long as you have too, to find someone loyal
that will provide what is needed, and because of our distance there are times I now feel cheated.

You give me yourself, then pull away-how is this fair
in any sort of way? You had your life and I had mine,
but we had been in agreement that they would intertwine.
We cannot control what happens outside ourselves, but we do have
the power to give this our best.

Forget pressure, shame, guilt and insecurities-the only
thing that's important is I love you and you love me.
Get over your idea that you have to run away every time your'e frightened and not sure what to say.

I've never asked too much from you, or have I ever wanted you to
do anything that would take away from who you are, hurt you,
or push us apart; I've simply desired to see what you're capable of
because I beleive in you and our love.

Everyone needs somebody and we've both confessed this
to one another; then why insist on not acting
at times that you want to be my lover.

What do you think you are giving up to have me?
It's sure not your freedom, friends or all of your time, but
maybe to you it's hard to part with the idea that just
because I know what I'm worth, you can't find it in yourself
to give up those little things that you thought made you who
you are over time.

I love your personality, your intelligence, and sense of humor-
those things are at the core of everyone's being.
Your behavior does not make you who you are; it shapes how others
view you, and you always have the option to change it
at any time; you have to desire what does not hurt yourself, then
others can be assured that you will act in kind.

Whatever you think you've lost-how will you know when it's found?
What if all along the answer was sitting right in front of your face-
you just didn't want to listen and now we our in this place.

I sit here wanting my best friend back; this distance not only in space and time has gotten to me and I'm starting to unwind.
I know in my heart what's real and true and the fact is I need you.
Not like a child needs a mother; but when a part of you is missing that you'd like to recover.

I can take care of most of my life, but not having you to really
share it with brings me to where I cannot deal with it.
You are my other half, we compliment each other so well; how can we go on pretending this doesn't feel like hell.

Why can't you just love me the way your heart tells you to-
show me each day and let us subdue?
I remember your words as they scream in my mind, "You're everything to me", as you kissed and drew me near; what is this all for if you're
not willing to see it to the end?

You give up too quick even if you have not yet completely decided to throw in your hand, yet I know I'm worth it; this you need to understand. For us to be together and share some happiness it does take work, commitment and willingness.

I love you no matter what and I'm sorry you find it so hard to comprehend that you really are special, and I am yours until the end; my love you tell me when you're really ready to be a part of the greatest thing you'll ever receive in this place; I'm here you know just waiting
for your grace.



Dedicated to my Christopher

Written: 8/18/09