The rain keeps falling down outside, mirroring the sadness in my soul.

My heart is broken where it once was whole.

I keep asking myself how could my son, my baby have done something like this.

What were the signs that I somehow missed?

Was I lost in a world of my own creation?

Unable to really and truly see my own son?

How could this boy – this angry young man with cold eyes,

Be the boy that I have loved his entire life?

God, you have played a cruel joke on us now.

Will you still be there to reconnect us somehow?

These children you have given me, they are my heart.

But events playing out have torn me apart.

I can't cry any longer, it's time to be strong.

Time to reinforce what I told him about right and wrong.

With his tender eyes that have always commanded my heart.

It's time, right now, to make a brand new start.

A phrase keeps repeating in my heart and my head.

A book we used to read as I put him to bed.

A poem that he used to sing back to me.

Words now that I cling to frantically.

"I'll like you forever. I'll love you for always.

As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be."

Dear Lord, hear me calling your name as I try,

To figure out what went wrong and why.

Grant me the strength to do what I must.

And hold my hand tightly as we rebuild this trust.

He will be my son always, no matter what.

Please make him aware of the loved ones he's got.

Come into our hearts now, Lord, and make us whole once again

Don't let us lose sight and give in to sin.

Grab hold of my baby, Lord, and protect him for me

Without him, we are not really a whole family.

Timber Cypret

10-21-08