Pondering Past Defeats

You've shown me inside.
I've seen your deep things,
And hated you all the more.
Beat you I can’t--
Not on the same plane.
Rage oozes through ev'ry pore.
I'm always set-up.
You know I can't win;
And I should have learned before:
Although I must try,
I mustn't too die.
Each challenge thus viewed a chore.

I've fought suicide—
My own and my friends'.
I failed when they lost their fights.
I thought since I'd won
That I was the one
To strengthen them through dark nights.
Their demons, their drugs;
Connecting with thugs--
A sip of your venom bites.

I struggled within
Each loss I sustained.
I'm strong, although dead inside.
My God gave me strength.
Enduring the length
And quantum of pain you’ve applied:
I still cannot win-
Continual to sin.
My God will escape provide.
One day I will live.
Perfection He'll give.
Son's ransom will be applied.
And you will be crushed--
You and your fiends,
Your head, heart, your guts and pride!
And when that day comes,
I hope to find seats . . .
To cheer on your death ringside!