Stolen Childhood
I wishI could have forgotten (or erased)
a stolen childhood
in memories
unbearable pain
and unforgivable crimes of Communism
Often raining and raining in Hunan Provinces
sky displayed the color of stone grey
the weather cold and damp it stinged the skin
father and son were executed by the Communist
two families and three generations instantly destroyed
Filthy Landlord and Counter-Revolutionary
recorded into their permanent crimes histories
legendary great grandpa and grand uncle I had never met
my mother carried their blood in her veins
black-named forever by ancestry
Frighten grandpa escaped execution by hanging himself on a tree
my mother crawled on his lifeless body
"Daddy, daddy, don't leave me, I am only three"
Newly widowed grandma received beating
she was pushed down, broke her hip
no medical attention seeking (or giving)
I didn't understand why grandma always walking funny and strange
I thought she was born that way
her crippled image casted in my memories
proudly limping
deformed with dignity
her trunk towered over three inches "Golden Lilies"(bound feet)
with a broken bamboo cane in her left hand (a weapon)
one feet always ahead of the other
each slow step anounced a grand victory
village kids sneaked behind her, imitating, laughing
quickly ran away as soon as she picked up her cane
My great grandma died of starvation
she saved all eatables for her children and grandchildren
my mother regretted she couldn't spare her granny from death
How could she?
three millions people were already dead
including an unborn fetus in her own belly
death was salvation
The famous Culture Revolution granted my father's ill fate
A respectful high school Principal
blacklisted, denounced and isolated first in the county
he went missing, disappeared from the political scene
I remembered searching for him everywhere
fatherless I feared
we found him standing by his father's grave
talking to himself, eyes wet, mind miles away
he did not recognize his pregnant wife and 3 young children
My blacklisted mother couldn't raise three children with a forth coming
she carried more black names than anyone could imagine
my crippled grandma took us in unconditionally
we lived with her in a shack, evicting pigs and chickens
she was our mother who raised us with values and displines
we worked in her garden and played with peasants' children
we all afraid of her broken cane just like the other kids
but I knew by receiving
dearest grandma only gave gentlest spanking
villagers often called us orphans
"you must be bad children, so your parents give you to granny"
" Where are your daddy and mommy?"
They were in the rice field receiving labor re-education
they were in struggle/criticism meetings
No home, no parenting
no school, no cultivation
we were often bullied and beaten
"Black Whelps" louder than our given names
who stole our innocence and imposes unbearable sufferings?
Who destroyed families and deleted essence of human relations?
Homeless forever,
loveless we feared
we were the lost generation
with childhood stolen!
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