To Love

Searching through memories of my past,
in the dusty attic of my mind.
I'm aware that the pages
are worn and yellowed.
I ponder this while delicately
leafing through scenes of my life.

I see many times I could have had love.
I sit back to analyze the why's of
where I had gone wrong.
I see a pattern, though hard to
accept the truth laid bare in my hands.

I lament, wanting to scream.
Why couldn't I have seen then
the many reasons I pushed love away...
again and again.

I'm lonely now, getting on in my years.
Anticipating what's around the corner,
yet fearing it the same.
Trying to relax and smile knowing
I want this one thing.

I stack the yellowed journals
stained with tears, to tuck into a box.
I decided to tidy up,
and sweep away the dust.

Life is awaiting me
to open up and live.
If love finds me again....
I won't hide and close my eyes.