Why am I so internal?

I’m in a place in existence

where I feel a deep pain.

It lies inside of me

controlling me at time’s…

I do things to try and master it

but sometime’s nothing can

dowse the flames of hurt & pain.

When I don’t keep myself busy,

is when it really hits me

like a shot gun blast

I feel out numbered,

as if I'm surrounded by hoodlums

and the only way the pain depletes

briefly, is to keep myself busy…

 
I think it’s me…

I’m my own worst enemy

keeping things bottled up inside

of me is weakening myself esteem.

If I express my feelings towards a

situation, my words appear vicious,

and hatred is the impression…

How do I shake this feeling?

I must do something,

I feel as if I’m drowning at times

and my lungs to weak to keep from

breathing; like I’m forced to be under

water and hold my breath, for if I breath

I might lose my life…

I wish I wasn’t so internal,

I wish I could just brush

things off of my shoulders…

C. Perry 9/2010