Autumn Leaves

4 Comments

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  • Nature

    Autumn Leaves

    Sun shining golden,
    On autumn falling leaves.
    Withered and broken,
    Swirling around my feet.

    Twirling around,
    As if gliding on the wing.
    Dancing in circles,
    In ever increasing wind.

    Moving across my lawn,
    So quiet they can be.
    Until they reach the driveway,
    Then dance and sing to me.

    But now the snow falls heavy,
    Upon autumn falling leaves.
    There dancing now subsided,
    Until next year at least.

    © Copyright R. Shaw 2008

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    linlee commented on Autumn Leaves

    06-07-2009

    Hi, Bobzoom, I'm linlee. I'm new here, and I'm opinionated. If I say anything you don't like or don't agree with, ignore my comments. It won't hurt my feelings in the least. In fact, I haven't put anything up yet, so you are at least one up on me. IMHO (In my humble opinion) you could improve this poem by including more imagery about the leaves. You could compare some aspect of the leaves, maybe the colors, to something else that the reader would recognize. You could compare large maple leaves to hands, maybe, or to hands that have been dipped into orange paint. Or maybe you could take a totally different track from the common. Everyone loves summer it seems, so I wrote a poem about how I loved winter and hated summer. If everyone loves the fresh, crisp air of the autumn days, compare it to the last cool whispers of winter in the spring. Like I said, take it or leave it, that's my opinion. I may be the only one here who doesn't just tell you how wonderful it was, but I think you can give it more impact and originality. It is good, but it could be even better. (In my opinion).

    Dancingfire commented on Autumn Leaves

    05-08-2009

    Very nice. I really liked it a lot.Well done!

    sk commented on Autumn Leaves

    03-25-2009

    You have such a descriptive way about you; I love Autumn; Even wrote one of my own Autumn poems...and how lucky you are to live where it snows!

    Poetry is what is lost in translation.

    Robert Frost (1875-1963) American Poet.

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