Conflicting Feelings

You and all that comes with you
A blessing and a curse
To a girl who grew up with nothing

Sometimes, I feel life is wonderful
With you and the lavish surroundings
The clothes I want, plush beds,
Weekends away, financially stable
This is what draws me in

Other times, it's my personal hell
$40 dinners, expensive vacations
Overspending on little things,
Always buying me something
This is what makes me panic

You don't even know
About this feud in my head
I would never tell you
You probably wouldn't understand

Some nights, after an expensive night out,
I lay in bed next to your sleeping form
And I cry silent tears wondering
How I'll ever fit here with you

Other nights, after a simple movie date,
I lay in bed next to your sleeping form
And I think of how lucky I am
To have someone who loves me
Despite our differences