As I sat in my chair tonight drinking a glass of ice water, I had a lucid moment of self-awareness. The water and ice was so cold and clean as it washed over my mouth and into me. All my thoughts were so clear and calm. The clarity of that moment was one like I hadn’t had in a very long time.

It came so suddenly I felt I'd been struck by lightening and could not avoid it as it gazed back at me. The chaos of my life was gone from my mind. Nothing else seemed to matter and I found myself drinking more when I wasn’t thirsty to make it stay with me a little while longer.

As I savored the moment I put down the glass and my hands instinctively grabbed a blanket that was sitting on my lap. My arms pulled it to me and pressed it against my chest tightly and my eyes closed almost involuntarily. I breathed deeply and exhaled heavily. At that moment I compounded clarity with a sense of safety and a feeling of completeness.

Opening my eyes I foolishly questioned my feelings rather than enjoy the moment.

My mouth was now empty and put down the blanket and stared at both the water and the blanket for a fleeting moment that seemed like an eternity. I wasn’t panicked as I thought about it but I remember my brow furrowing at the questions I was posing to myself in my mind.

Then I realized something I should have known all along.
It wasn’t the water that had caused all of this. It was you.