Inside

1 Comments

Inside

Alone inside myself

Beneath my outer smile

Can no one fix the pain inside

Despite my calls for help

Everything continues to move around

From one thing to the next

Going quickly from day to day

Hearing nothing but my smile

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sirref commented on Inside

06-09-2009

the beginning and end are strong. it falls apart at "Can...help" because yoou've lost the flow, the rythm, the music AND your 'telling' me instead of 'showing' me. sirref

TiannaMarie

06/11/2009

Thank you for the feedback! I am new to writing poetry, and love all the help that I can get. I hope to take my poetry to strengthen others with a similar past, or even with inner feelings like mine. I really appreciate your input, now i can go back to my original and revise

Poetry is either something that lives like fire inside you or else it is nothing, an empty formalized bore around which pedants can endlessly drone their notes and explanations.

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TiannaMarie’s Poems (6)

Title Comments
Title Comments
Betrayed (The complete) 0
Feather Cinquain 2 0
Feather Cinquain 1 0
Betrayed 1
Death 1
Inside 1