shatter rebuild hope he'll forgive

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matthew....

shatter rebuild hope he'll forgive

when we met my heart knew I'd always chose you
Before my tonugue spoke and my eyes cried I felt a great joy inside
Then my soul knew I'd only choose you but that was before
I knew you choosen her at first I still believed it could be
But once I saw that smile that melt my heart focused on her
I knew you'd never choose me for you see
It's only natural for the two to be
isn't that what love is a boy and girl?
If so then why does my heart race?
Why do I feel vulnerable and safe under his gaze?
His voice cast my pain away but inflicts like a dual sword
His smile draws me like the sun
While when he's upset I caught in a storm
Why do I care so much?
but what really scares me I'd sacrifice my happiness for him to say I'm a good friend
That's before I knew but then
My heart broke but I rebuilt
I tried to make the one's close to him and himself happy
I feed the one who catches his eyes but with her words I died inside
I hurt so much I longed to forget but your someone I can't regret
So I tried to move on I was happy you'd help
But at the same time upset what if it's not the same
But my one worry turned to many I feared you'd forget me
 "I give up" destroyed the world I built where hope lived and my eyes gazed
and where we'd always be safe when it left your lips
the same ones that kissed her and the words that control me come from
I'm bound by my heart but destroyed by my emotion
I'd never hurt so I unfortunatly am hurt avoiding causing pain
but building distance just the same
You took me back and said you forgave but I am scared 
One day you won't
It's a selfish wish I make every night I pray
the one that torments my heart and guilts my soul
I wished to be with you always hoping that one day heaven
forbid and have mercy on who ever leaves you that day
You'll love me one day to hold to kiss to touch without fear my greatest sin
I my desire to belong to you and to know when you love me you do
not out of pity or association but for my heart that calls to you
In my sleep my dreams lately your all I see but when I awake your gone and the tears come 
Your the first guy to promise not to hurt me and I actually believed but
how long before you wish to leave?
But even when your gone will I be set free 
Everyone loves you but why do I hurt you I have to push to get through the crowd only to find I may not belong
I mean out of everyone the wolf the fox even the other animals
I'm just a black cat in a cage that no one wants for too long
they never stay is all I know
But for once I don't want you to go
I know you can't heal my wounds
or erase the past scars or set me free but being with
you is like a dream but its me who makes the nightmare for I love you and i hurts
You love her the world loves you and I am just the loveless nobody
who came along and lost it all over a boy who made me feel my existence mattered and all boundaries were shattered 
so like a stray I followed you seeking you only
to find I don't belong I just wish I did
But you choose them and I'm just me someone who can be replaced if ever missed
and forgotten so easily your like a king I'm a peasant she's a queen my best friends the princess I'm only in the court when I play the joker
But dear king how do I find your favor?

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gmcookie commented on shatter rebuild hope he'll forgive

10-24-2010

Wow, Deadboy... This one certainly paints the whole picture. I like this line in particular: "I'm bound by my heart but destroyed by my emotion". Look kiddo you aren't going to like my advice on this one. Probably the worst thing you can do for your self esteem and your happiness is to fall in love with a straight boy. You need to understand that you are unique. It's kind of pointless for a chicken to love a fox, don't you think? It can only end one way. You need to find somebody more like yourself before you go giving your heart away. Maybe that isn't such an easy thing to do in your neighborhood. But there is a whole big world out there. You will find him eventually. Just concentrate on your life and your poetry, or whatever your main interest is, and one day you'll look up and he'll be standing in front of you. Now I've got to read the rest of your poems to see what other "sage" advice I have to offer...

Deadboysdontcry

11/11/2010

Yes sir your right straight boys only end bad and your an awesome sage I'm rally lucky :-)

Poetry is not an expression of the party line. It's that time of night, lying in bed, thinking what you really think, making the private world public, that's what the poet does.

Allen Ginsberg (1926-1997) U.S. poet.

Deadboysdontcry’s Poems (9)

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