The Fallens Fall

2 Comments

The Fallens Fall

Another day and empty room

made bitter by a potions fumes.

In boredom I drifted off to sleep,

Soon awakened by a contraptions beep.

With out warning I’m struck paralyzed

This gave me time to realize;

The floor boards began to sink in place

Struck with fear my heart raced.

No angels to carry me up above

Profoundly unworthy of fathers love.

No arms to hold me, I fell

I plunged in deep to the lakes of Hell.

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dahlusion commented on The Fallens Fall

01-14-2013

"No angels to carry me up above" —excellent fantasy line. Bravo!

MootPoint commented on The Fallens Fall

05-11-2011

I saw your post in Critique My Writing. So here it goes: contraptions should contraption's, fathers should be father's. I am kinda nit picky, but you asked. What did you realize? The whole ending? Okay, this is not bad. It just seems kinda scattered to me.

dahlusion

01/14/2013

MP. Excellent editing !

When power leads man towards arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the area of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.

John F. Kennedy (1917-1963) Thirty-fifth President of the USA

vinsin22’s Poems (10)

Title Comments
Title Comments
The Fallens Fall 2
You get what you paid for 1
Blinded by sight 0
My Orchestra 0
Paths 0
Russian roulette 1
The First and Only Leap 0
One path 0
The Arena 0
Consciousness 0

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