Where Were You?

5 Comments

Poem Commentary

i wrote this poem for people to realize that kids need role models in their lives starting with the parents.

Where Were You?

where was you when i was one ?
i look at these pictures and it seemed like fun 
but little did i know my life had just begun
where were you when i was five ?
i was starting to come alive
you didnt come see me or send me a birthday card 
and every time you ran in and out my life i took it really hard.
where were you when i was 10?
i saw you every now and then 
but every time you were here you said less and less.
and all u accomplish was more stressed.
when i was 15 i realized you were just a dream.
you totally disappeared
mom being a single mother did what she could 
by my loneliness at home i misunderstood.
buy the time i was 19 i was a grown man.
mom needed help with bills so i did what i can 
besides the guy on the corner sold me hope
then made me feel important when i needed it the most
he showed me a way to make fast money 
and unlike you dad he never called me a dummy 
but he was there so was the rest of his crew 
and then i joined a gain it was the only love i knew
one thing led to another
deeper and deeper in trouble i fell 
untill one day the pull of a trigger landed me right here in jail.
now i wish you were there!

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ESSENCEOFLOVE commented on Where Were You?

12-05-2010

This is a far too common problem of deadbeat dads.You conveyed very well the emotional distress and the longing that this problem causing wrong decisions and actions to be made and taken. Excellent write full of emotion and story telling.......E

kesavkavumthara commented on Where Were You?

03-23-2010

Hai, A good writing..... I really appreciate your way of presenatation of powerful feelings. thank you..have a bright future!

mcelvain commented on Where Were You?

02-23-2010

thank yall.

bacar10 commented on Where Were You?

02-22-2010

I love it! Bravo. Keep good art flowing for my enjoyment. One Luv!

cmlestrade commented on Where Were You?

01-28-2010

Very good lesson about what can happen when we abandon our children. But the mispelled words and changes in verb tense detract from your wonderful piece.

Poetry is either something that lives like fire inside you or else it is nothing, an empty formalized bore around which pedants can endlessly drone their notes and explanations.

Unknown Source

mcelvain’s Poems (26)

Title Comments
Title Comments
The Broken Ones 3
The Collector 3
Where Were You? 5
Too Much 3
blooming 0
those telemarketers 2
just a thought of many 0
Lovers Paradise. 0
Forgotten 1
accidental assassin 1
DARKNESS 0
TEST OF LOVE: R U READY? 1
PRETTY LITTLE PICTURES 0
3 TEARS 0
LOOKING FORWARD 0
ENGINE ENGINE 0
HONEY OR GLUE. 0
A BUTTERFLIES SECRET 2
PRETTY LITTLE PICTURES 0
GOOD NIGHT 0
oh well what the hell 1
every dog has its day 0
the rain 0
d telemarketers 0
darkness 0
test of relationship: r u ready? 0