Abtract Painting

A composition book is my canvas.. My pen.. Its similar to van gou's paint brush
The ruled pages screaming to be written on
The world is my pallet
Shades from the world I have them in the palm of my hand
Myself
Lonely as lonely gets.. Not relationship wise
*Blackout*
I'm on the operating table bleeding Bleeding and bleeding the doctors cant stop it
*clear
"We'er loosing her doc!"
It will not stop
Ill bleed internally for life
Refill my pen to start over again
With tattooed words on my heart
That will stay with me forever
The sleepless nights trying to figure out why I hated myself so much
Shit why do I do this I can't control what she does
My mother
Is why I though I was not
Smart,talented, or enough period
Every scar on my body is a mosaic a reminder of what happened during that period
That always results in a flashback so I never like looking at them
Because I tended to the scars
I cleaned,bandaged, and picked the rock fragments out of my arms and legs
I was my own mother except I didn't birth myself
I'm an abstract painting